Briefcase Full of Drabbles
by Doktor Girlfriend
Summary: 100 & 200 word tales of the most brutal band in the world, with a focus on Nathan Explosion and Charles Ofdensen. Note: The rating has been bumped up to M due to a few R-rated entries.
1. I Hates You

Title: I Hates You  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Toki  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Mild implied slash  
Disclaimer: I owns nothingks. They all is belonging to Brendons Small.  
Notes: First _Metalocalypse_ drabble. *sweats* References to "Dethkomedy" and "The Metalocalypse Has Begun."

**I Hates You**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

He said it all the time.

"I hates you, Skwisgaar!"

Flush-faced and pouting, when he was being teased. When he wasn't getting his way or wanted his attention exclusively.

"I hate you… _seriously_."

Quietly, when he'd done something wrong. When he'd embarrassed himself in front of everyone and God and hated himself most of all.

"I always hated you, Skiwsgaar."

A confession, when he was lying next to him in the snow, wide-eyed and afraid. When they were the last words he might ever speak.

He said it all the time. But only Skwisgaar ever knew what he really meant.


	2. Guardian

Title: Guardian  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Toki  
Rating: G  
Warnings: None  
Disclaimer: Not mine. No suing, please.  
Notes: This one seems kinda weird even to me (something about the style or flow maybe), but I like it. Takes place directly following "Dethfam." Partially inspired by a picture by KellyDawn on DeviantArt.

**Guardian**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Oh, God, I need a drink! I need, like, six drinks. Yeah… twelve drinks…"

Nathan's muttering led Pickles and Murderface away in search of booze to recuperate from their parents' visit, but Skwisgaar did not follow. He had seen the danger, seen the light dawning in Toki's eyes, and had immediately removed the second guitarist to his own room.

Awareness returned – a blink, a twitch, a sob not smothered quickly enough, and many more lost in the cotton belly of Deddy Bear.

Skwisgaar sat with his guitar, taller than a tree, close enough to touch, and pretended not to notice.


	3. The Only Logical Explanation

Title: The Only Logical Explanation  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Toki  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash; a single profanity  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never gonna be mine. I'm just gonna go die now.  
Notes: You can use the f-word once and still keep a PG-13 rating, right? Also, I cracked myself up with this. Maybe that's a little pathetic, but it wouldn't be the first time I was guilty of that. ;P

**The Only Logical Explanation**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

It was Skwisgaar's fault they were found out.

It was rehearsal, and they were sounding pretty kick-ass, even for them, when Skwisgaar, panting and reeling from endorphins, turned to his counterpart and said, "Is sounding good, Toki."

The dead silence that followed was all the more deafening for the noise it had succeeded. Skwisgaar's vision seemed to compensate for the lack of sound by exaggerating every sight – Pickles' bulging eyes, Murderface's gap-toothed gawking, Toki's damning blush, and Nathan's accusing finger, like the proverbial Hand of God, pointing straight at his chest.

"Oh, dear, sweet Lord! You're _fucking_ him, aren't you?"


	4. He Makes a Very Persuasive Argument

Title: He Makes a Very Persuasive Argument  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Slash; glorification of procrastination  
Disclaimer: Even though each night before I go to sleep I make the earnest wish that I will awake to discover I have become Brendon Small, it ain't happened yet. I don't own them.  
Notes: For Rattie! And in tribute to the Love Kopter. ;)

**He Makes a Very Persuasive Argument**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Aww! You've gotta be kidding me!"

"No. I promise I am not kidding you, Nathan."

"And that's all stuff we've gotta do _today_?"

Ofdensen adjusted his glasses, looking again at the papers in his hand. "I don't think I left anything out…"

Nathan groaned, burying his face in his hands. "And we're gonna have to get out of bed to do it, right?"

"Yes." Charles straightened his back against the headboard and fingered the sheet around his waist as if preparing to do just that. "Yes, we do."

"And we can't wait and do any of it tomorrow?" The look Nathan gave him from between his fingers was so wide-eyed and hopeful that Charles had to smile.

"No, it would really be best if-" Charles broke off as a shadow fell over their agenda, slowly peering up to find the singer looming over him.

"I said that wrong," Nathan growled, removing the papers from Charles suddenly slack grip and the glasses from his face with a smirk that promised instant gratification. "We're gonna do all that tomorrow."

They really couldn't afford to, but as Nathan effortlessly pressed him into the mattress, Charles heard himself say, "That… can be arranged."


	5. Something of a Mother

Title: Something of a Mother  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Anja Wartooth, Toki  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Mentions of child abuse (non-graphic)  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. They all belong to Brendon Small. All praise be to the Small!  
Notes: Ugh. I always gotta write sad crap. :(

**Something of a Mother**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Anja had been a mother once.

Once she had loved her little boy – sang to him, taught him to dance on her feet, and held him close while she whispered promises of better days.

Better days never came, and she threw him from her, raised her hand, cursed and blamed him for the darkness that had swallowed her life.

She sat in that darkness the night she saw her boy escape, fleeing into the wind and snow, coatless in his haste, running, running away.

And maybe there was something of a mother in her still.

Because she let him go.


	6. Conquest

Title: Conquest  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Charles (implied Nathan/Charles & Skwisgaar/Toki)  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash; Skwisgaar being a BASTARD.  
Disclaimer: _Metalocalypse_ is not mine. I'm just having my wicked way with it.  
Notes: Inspired by Toki's Bunny's pic of a self-satisfied Skwis wearing a tie.

**Conquest**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Skwisgaar entered the meeting late. He walked with the hip-swinging strut he used whenever especially pleased with himself, his smug grin clearly announcing he had gotten it and gotten it good last night.

The red tie hanging loose around his neck made no mistake who he'd gotten it from.

He stopped before Nathan, whose face was slack with disbelief, shattered, reading in that malicious smirk every dirty detail Skwisgaar was dying for him to know.

_All nights long, Nat'ans. He begged me fors it. Screamed my name. Too slows, Nat'ans, too slows._

He never saw Toki flee the room crying.


	7. The Best Laid Plans

Title: The Best Laid Plans  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Slash  
Disclaimer: I can't even begin to tell you how much I don't own _Metalocalypse_.  
Notes: I don't think this is nearly as good as my last drabble, but I needed some fluff and happy after all that evil.

**The Best Laid Plans**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Tonight was the night.

Charles was ready. He'd gone through the scenario countless times in his head, and prepared for every possible outcome. He would go to Nathan's room, state his case, make his offer, bare his soul. And whether he was laughed at, insulted, brushed off, attacked, or – dare he even dream it – accepted, he knew what to do. He had a plan.

It was almost a shame he never got to use it. He never even made it out the door. All the planning in the world couldn't have prepared him for tonight.

Tonight Nathan came to him.


	8. Good as New

Title: Good as New  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Toki, Charles  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Fluff. Tons of it.  
Disclaimer: Still don't own _Metalocalypse_.  
Notes: And yet more self-medicating fluff. Also for Rattie, for to make you smile. :D

**Good as New**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Toki sat before his manager's desk, butt balanced precariously on the edge of his seat, hands wringing the hem of his shirt to ruins, foot tapping a Morse code of dread on the stone floor, so over the top, stomach-churning, unbelievably nervous that he shrieked and jumped a mile when the adjacent door opened.

Ofdensen stood in the doorway, hands behind his back, looking straight into his client's wide, anxious eyes, already glistening with tears. Then he smiled, bringing his hands to the front, and presented Deddy Bear, the seam of his tiny cotton arm freshly repaired.

"Good as new."


	9. Daddy

Title: Daddy  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles, Dethklok  
Rating: PG (because Murderface is a potty mouth)  
Warnings: Like… one bad word.  
Disclaimer: How many times do I have to tell you I don't own _Metalocalypse_? Jeezy!  
Notes: Something of a follow-up to "Good as New." Poor Charles… I just couldn't resist.

**Daddy**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

They descended five at once.

"Charles!" Nathan had his recorder in one hand and the light of inspiration in his eyes.

"Ofdensens!" Skwisgaar's handsome face was burning with indignation, thrusting the latest tabloid into his face.

"Lawyers-man!" Toki was in tears, clutching a teddy bear with a busted seam (_again_) and pointing accusingly at Murderface.

"Hey, dickfacshe!" Murderface sported bite marks on his neck, pointing right back at Toki.

"Dood, Charlie…" Pickles was drunk or high or both and probably just along for the ride.

Charles pinched the bridge of his nose and officially added "Daddy" to his job description.


	10. The Middle of the Night

Title: The Middle of the Night  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash  
Disclaimer: If I owned them, they'd have done this already.  
Notes: Another one of those weird ones I'm so fond of. Dedicated to TwilightSpeaks, seeing as it was from a thread with her that this bunny was born.

**The Middle of the Night**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles woke up alone.

He woke up many things – naked, cold, sticky, and sore – but felt none of them so much as he felt being alone.

He shut his eyes, heart sinking, breaking, the pieces settling heavily in his stomach. Shame and disappointment rose, filling the void in his chest.

A toilet flushed, startling him. A door creaked open and shut. Feet shuffled slowly and uncertainly through a dark, unfamiliar room. The mattress sank as something large settled behind him. An arm reached out, found him, and Charles was held securely to a broad chest, soft stomach, shivering appreciatively at the contact, the warmth.

There was a satisfied exhale of breath on the back of his neck. A deep rumbling resounded in the chest, sending pleasant vibrations down Charles' spine. Lips brushed over his throat, tongue darting out once. Teeth gnawed lazily on his shoulder.

The head rose, dragging soft, silky hair over Charles' arm, tickling him. A low, thick voice muttered something into his ear, mildly vulgar, mostly unintelligible, but undeniably affectionate. The arm squeezed him tighter as the body made itself comfortable.

Nathan was asleep within seconds and snoring within the minute.

Charles lay awake awhile longer, listening.


	11. Slip of the Tongue

Title: Slip of the Tongue  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash and silly  
Disclaimer: I don't own _Metalocalypse_, please don't sue me, Brendon Small is a god, etcetera, etcetera.  
Notes: Time for an Author's Note longer than the drabble. Rattie and I RP as Nathan and Charles respectively in a Yahoo Group. While her Nathan has a fondness for calling Charles "baby", we noted that Charles didn't seem the type to be comfortable using pet names, with possible exceptions for blood relatives or very emotionally intense moments. But it got me wondering what Charles would call Nathan, were he so inclined, and this is the result.

**Slip of the Tongue**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles believed that the things a person blurted out during orgasm shouldn't be taken seriously.

Nathan, arms crossed behind his head, smug grin on his lips, obviously disagreed.

"Don't be so proud. …I only said it because-"

"I am _just that good_."

"Well… Yes. Regardless, I'm not making a habit of calling you that."

Nathan rolled on top of him, rumbling in his ear the way that made him melt. "Oh, you'll say it one more time, won't you, baby?" He scraped his teeth over Charles' throat. "For me?"

"Oh… Goddammit. Just once…" He blushed, ducking his head. _"Daddy."_


	12. Makin' Me Smile

Title: Makin' Me Smile  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Pickles/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Slash; mild fluff  
Disclaimer: I don't own _Metalocalypse_ or "Charlie." Nope, this is pretty much all I can do.  
Notes: Finally fallen prey to the lure of Pickles/Charles. I probably won't be dabbling in it that often (Nathan/Charles is still my OTP), but damn if they aren't all warm and fuzzy together. Inspired by the song "Charlie" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

**Makin' Me Smile**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

A hand fell heavily on his shoulder, shaking him awake, forcing Pickles to face the reality of the morning sun in his eyes and the hangover creeping through his skull.

Flashes of the night before attempted to stir his fuzzy brain, distorted and half-remembered sensations: a glimpse of red, skin beneath his fingers, something warm and wet, his own heart pounding, and a voice calling him by his real name.

Only one person knew that.

Pickles turned over, bleary green eyes meeting sleepy brown ones, unfocused from a lack of corrective lenses. Then he remembered. And he smiled.

"Mornin', Charlie."


	13. He Thinks He's People

Title: He Thinks He's People  
Author: Rei-hime  
Cast: Dethklok, Charles, yard-wolves  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: My usual brand of ridiculous.  
Disclaimer: I don't own _Metalocalypse_. I don't even think I can claim the yard-wolf.  
Notes: Another one I can blame on Toki's Bunny, her Dethwolf pics and Charleswolf in particular.

**He Thinks He's People**

**By Rei-hime**

"Hey looks! Dis one wearing da glasses!"

The wolf perked up instantly, tail wagging, wide-rimmed glasses perched on his furry nose. In the background, roadies hauled the unconscious and armless body of Dr. Jonathan Twinkletits out of sight, while the remaining yard-wolves clustered around Ofdensen, receiving rewards of ear rubs and murmured "good wolves". But that had stopped being interesting a good five minutes ago, and the metal gods happily focused their attention on this newest amusement.

Skwisgaar looked down his nose at the beast. "Aw, dat's so cute. I guess…"

"He thinksh he'sh people!" Murderface patted his muzzle. "What'sh his name?"

"I don't, uhh… think they have names…"

"Yes, dey dos! I names dem all!" Toki scratched under the wolf's chin, beaming proudly. "His name's is Lollipop!"

The wolf lowered his head and whined, ears drooping.

"Ahh… nah. I don't think that's it." Pickles cast his gaze around aimlessly in thought, spying their manager fussily removing a loose thread from his sleeve and adjusting his glasses, then looked back at the wolf, chewing a flea on his paw, making Twinkletits' glasses fall down his nose.

Pickles grinned, pushing them back up. "Nah… I think he's more of a Charlie."


	14. Ascent

Title: Ascent  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles (implied)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Fluff  
Disclaimer: I don't own _Metalocalypse_. If I did, there'd be more shirtless Nathan, _much_ more shirtless Nathan.  
Notes: This one snuck up on me last night. Charles' fear in this one relates to an incident in the monster backstory for the overall universe I've created for the boys. Maybe I'll even be able to write some of it someday.

**Ascent**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Close your eyes. S'gonna be over soon."

Charles obeyed, face buried in Nathan's shoulder, away from the window, heedless of how his glasses were squashed and twisted, clinging tight, focusing on the large hand rubbing up and down his spine.

Nathan would never admit it, but he loved these moments, these rare spaces in time when Charles was the one in need, the one turning to him for comfort and care.

The moment passed, and he allowed Charles his distance again, watching with affection as he straightened his glasses.

"I hate take-offs."

Nathan buried a smile, looking forward to descent.


	15. Treasure Hunt

Title: Treasure Hunt  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles (implied)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: The least metal thing you will ever read.  
Disclaimer: Fall to your knees and thank the deity of your choice that I do not own _Metalocalypse_, because you would be subjected to fluff like this every goddamn week.  
Notes: The idea for this one dropped right out of the sky during class one day, and I finally wrote it the last… twenty minutes? Once again, I must apologize for the uberfluff.

**Treasure Hunt**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

It wasn't metal to have a crush.

It wasn't metal to want to know someone better.

So Nathan did it in secret. Whenever he could, whenever he knew he'd have the time, with stealth unbecoming his size, he'd sneak into his office, his room, searching every drawer, every corner, every closet, and find treasure: photos of a bespectacled and shaggy-haired young boy; ticket stubs covered with musicians' autographs and some girl's phone number; letters from a little sister, a father, an old lover.

Every time something new. Everything a treasure.

He never dreamed they were left for him to find.


	16. Something Else to Do in a Blackout

Title: Something Else to Do in a Blackout  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash. Duh.  
Disclaimer: If I owned _Metalocalypse_, this would have played over the credits instead of troll-feasting.  
Notes: This is the result of watching "Dethtroll" one too many times. Rattie and I are both of the opinion that Charles has never required a good mauling more than he does in that episode.

**Something Else to Do in a Blackout**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

A low growl and the warm smell of liquor were his only warnings.

"You're so fuckin' cute!" Nathan ground out as he descended on his manager, hands and teeth everywhere. "I am gonna _destroy_ you!"

Charles barely blinked. "Hello, Nathan."

"Hey. Power's still out."

"Yes, I'd noticed."

"Yeah… y'know… Only two things to do in a blackout." He managed to look sheepish even with one hand squeezing Ofdensen's ass and the other restlessly rubbing his own crotch. "I'm already drunk."

Charles reached around, pulling a half-full bottle from Nathan's back pocket, smirked, and kissed him.

"Just let me catch up."


	17. Blame It on Me

Title: Blame It on Me  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash and cuddles. You know how I roll by now.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_, and that knowledge kills me every day.  
Notes: Birthday drabble for my dearest Rattie! She requested snugglie Nathan/Charles. I managed to sneak the barest hints of angst and sex in there as well.

**Blame It on Me**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

He could blame the drunken, alarming phone call for dragging him out of his office and down the long, cold halls to Nathan's bedroom at such an ungodly hour of the night.

He could blame the alcohol he'd had just hours earlier for how he hadn't resisted when Nathan started kissing him, large fingers deftly plucking open the buttons of his shirt.

He could blame the loneliness for how he'd ended up on his back, needy and burning, almost sobbing as Nathan moved so powerfully inside of him, grunting and growling into his ear.

And he could blame the last two plus the sudden rush of endorphins for the three words he'd shouted as he came, clinging so fiercely to Nathan's body that he left marks that lasted for days.

He could blame any number of outside forces for leading him to this moment, but Charles had only himself to blame for falling so deeply, damnably, incurably in love. But as Nathan's strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him close enough to feel his heart beating through his chest, and the singer nipped playfully at his hairline, nearly purring in his contentment, Charles felt like he could live with that.


	18. Like a Rat in a Cage

Title: Like a Rat in a Cage  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Toki  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: I dunno. OCs?  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_ or anyone you recognize in here. However, Hiroshi and the band Homunculus are my brain-babies.  
Notes: Bonus birthday drabble for Rattie! Thought I'd throw in some Skwis/Toki silliness while I was at it.

**Like a Rat in a Cage**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Okays, I sees you laters, Skwisgaar. Loves you!"

Skwisgaar froze, pupils contracting violently in terror while the whites of his eyes grew exponentially larger. He just barley suppressed a groan at his situation.

Before him stood Toki and fellow hyperactive guitarist Hiroshi, both preparing to depart to the local arcade to gorge themselves on candy and _pwn_ numerous _noobs_ at Dance Dance Revolution.

Behind him were the remaining members of Dethklok and Hiroshi's band, Homunculus (two sufficiently brutal guys and a chick who looked like she could hold her own in a Vin Diesel movie), themselves about to set off for a night of much more adult-oriented revelry. He didn't have to turn around. He could practically _hear _the shit-eating grins on each and every one of them.

The faint hissing sound of smothered snickers heralded the ribbing he was about to receive. It would be epic.

For only a second, he considered not responding, but one look into those big blue eyes sent those blasphemous thoughts running. A night of merciless teasing couldn't hold a candle to a good hurt Norwegian puppy expression.

Skwisgaar managed a weak smile and resigned himself to his fate.

"I loves you too, Tokis."


	19. Me and My Shadow

Title: Me and My Shadow  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Skwisgaar, Toki, Pickles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: A little naughty language  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. None of us own _Metalocalypse_. Even though the last few episodes really make it seem like we've got something to do with it.  
Notes: Inspired, of course, by "Dethcarraldo," the greatest episode ever of all time. Also by _Calvin & Hobbes_, the best comic strip ever of all times.

**Me and My Shadow**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Pickle, you gots to helps me!" The hysterical Swede clutched his friend's shoulders. "He won'ts leaves me alone! He follows me every's where! He does whuts I doings, says whuts I's sayings, I can'ts to be takings it no mores!"

"Dood, _relax_. Here's how you get 'im to stop." He leaned up to whisper in Skwisgaar's ear.

"Ja… Und dat works?"

"Always worked fer me."

"Okays…" He turned to face an approaching Toki. "I tries it."

"I tries it," Toki parroted.

"Stops copies me," Skwisgaar growled, crossing his arms.

Toki crossed his arms. "Stops copies me."

"You's so dildos."

"You's so dildos." Toki mirrored Skwisgaar's sneer perfectly.

"You's acting likes baby!"

"You acts likes baby!"

"I hates you."

"I hates you."

Skwisgaar glanced quickly at Pickles, smirking. "I's giant gay dildos wit' breat' smells like crotch," he said haughtily.

"At least you's admits it," Toki piped without missing a beat.

"Ha-!" The Swede's triumphant laugh was cut short, and he stared in stunned silence at his shadow before roaring with rage and turning to pursue a now fleeing drummer. "I's goinks to kills you, Pickle!"

A slightly higher-pitched roar sounded behind him. "I's gonna kil-"

"STOPS COPIES ME!"


	20. And There You Led Me On

Title: And There You Led Me On  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: R (just barely)  
Warnings: Sex, blood, no rock n' roll.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Check back with me after I kidnap Brendon Small.  
Notes: Inspired by "The Revengencers," Charles' moment of pure unfiltered badass within, and a conversation with Rattie about both (mostly revolving around how Nathan needs to hit that little man like the fist of an angry god). The title comes from Audioslave's "Like a Stone," which I think fits the story for reasons that probably only make sense to me. The third paragraph may very well be the longest sentence I've ever written.

**And There You Led Me On**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan slammed the smaller man against the wall, pulling his leg around his waist as he drove inside. It was raw and rough and far from their typical encounters, but sometimes Charles needed this. Sometimes after he disappeared for hours, he'd return bruised and bloodied and clawing at Nathan the minute they were alone, biting his lip and begging to be fucked. So Nathan did.

He leaned in to lap at the dried blood dripping from Charles' mouth, wanting to know what had happened, who had done this. But Charles had never answered that before and wasn't likely to now. The most Nathan could do for him was pull his other leg over his hip and oblige his demands of "Harder, harder, harder…"

When it was over, Nathan held him until his cries quieted and his knees stopped shaking enough to support his weight, then setting him on his feet and turning his back to give them both privacy as they righted themselves, glancing guiltily down both ends of the hall, wondering if they'd been seen, almost hoping they had, and blushing when Charles cleared his throat and lifted up to give him a quick, chaste kiss.

"Thank you, Nathan."


	21. Midnight Snack

Title: Midnight Snack  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: The usual  
Disclaimer: You know how to tell I don't own _Metalocalypse_? They aren't shagging onscreen yet.  
Notes: For Tracy. And for frozen pizza products. Bringing shy, awkward couples together since… I'unno. Whenever we did that one.

**Midnight Snack**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Hey. Hey… you awake?"

"Hmm… Mmph?" Charles rolled over, discovering a ferociously grinning Nathan.

"I'm in the mood again."

"Huh? Oh…" He rubbed at his eyes. "Haven't you had enough?"

"Aww, c'mon, baby. Just one more time?"

Charles sighed heavily, struggling into a reclining position. "Oh, alright. Just don't expect me to do any work."

Nathan growled, kissing him hungrily, then rolled off the bed and sauntered naked to Charles' kitchen, his voice echoing back.

"You want the rest of those little pizza things?"

Charles yawned. "You can have them."

"Aw, you're a doll. Hey, you wanna fuck after this?"


	22. Guilty Pleasures

Title: Guilty Pleasures  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Mentions of oppressively cheerful reality show hosts.  
Disclaimer: I don't own _Metalocalypse_, which is slowly killing me. I also don't own _Extreme Makeover: Home Edition_, which is much easier to live with.  
Notes: For Rattie. And there was _much_ rejoicing.

**Guilty Pleasures**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan stared in disbelief at Charles, whose eyes were glued to the TV.

"How the hell can you watch this?"

"I like it."

"It's crap!"

"It's called a guilty pleasure, Nathan. Kind of like you." He tugged the long, black hair, grinning as Nathan snapped at his fingers. "Between you and _Extreme Home Makeover_, I never have to leave this room. Hell, if you could renovate kitchens, I'd sign my soul over."

Nathan smirked, showing teeth. "I can. My mom taught me."

"…Oh, you fuck me _right now_."

And in front of Ty Pennington and the Sherman family, Nathan did.


	23. On the Rebound

Title: On the Rebound  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles (one-sided)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Slash  
Disclaimer: I do not own_ Metalocalypse_. You can tell by the glaring lack of onscreen snogging.  
Notes: Inspired by Charles' brief appearance in "Klokblocked". My very first thought when I saw that scene was "OMG Charles totally just tried to score Nathan on the rebound and wussed out!" Which resulted in this.

**On the Rebound**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

It was his turn.

He'd waited long enough. Now was the perfect time. Nathan was frustrated, _lonely_. He just had to get his foot in the door.

Steady now. Deep breath.

"Hey, uh… Nathan, I, uh, understand you're experiencing a little bit of girl trouble. Just wanted to lend you a shoulder to, uh, y'know to c-"

He choked on the word and knew he was lost. Already he backed away, pulling the door closed.

"Mm, yeah, you seem like you're okay. …For the record I tried."

The last words were for himself. He hoped they kept him warm tonight.


	24. Hard Up

Title: Hard Up  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: More slash  
Disclaimer: Last I checked, I still have boobs, I still can't play guitar, and my name's still not Brendon Small. So I really don't think I own _Metalocalypse_.  
Notes: Another "Klokblocked" drabble, this one taking place after the end of the episode. Poor baby Nate just can't get any tail. Can be taken as a follow-up to "On the Rebound". I didn't originally intend for it to be, but there's nothing keeping them from fitting together.

**Hard Up**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

It was an accidental collision, the barest brushing of bodies, and would have meant nothing had Nathan Explosion not been so _straight up horny_ that even such a light touch set him on fire.

He growled accusingly at the offender, wondering why he had never noticed those pretty brown eyes, so wide and startled; or that plush, tempting mouth, parted in surprise; or that soft, pale skin, flushing pink under his predatory stare.

Never minding that he was so hard up even _Ofdensen_ was looking good, Nathan grinned, dark and feral.

"You, uh… Still got that shoulder I can borrow?"


	25. Text

Title: Text  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles, Nathan  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Text messaging. It's a tool of the Devil, y'know?  
Disclaimer: Would that I could claim responsibility for the awesome that is _Metalocalypse_. But… y'know… I can't. 'Cause I don't own it.  
Notes: "Dethsources" drabble! Because Charles totally needed some love after that episode, even if it's in the form of moronic inside jokes.

**Text**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"He's gone?"

"Yes, Nathan. Melmord is gone."

"So… what? He just left without saying anything?"

"…So it would seem."

"…What a dick."

"You think so?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, _you'd _never…"

Charles glanced up curiously at the sudden silence. Nathan's face expressed shock and guilt, staring at their manager as though seeing him for the first time.

"Uhh… You…"

Charles turned to leave, sparing them both an awkward moment. He'd reached his office when his phone chirped the arrival of a text message. Raising an eyebrow at the sender's ID and glancing back, he opened it.

_"Knock, knock"_

Charles smiled.


	26. The Only Thing That Works

Title: The Only Thing That Works  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: R (again, just barely)  
Warnings: Dirty talk and implied rough sex. …Yay?  
Disclaimer: When Nathan and Charles start doing shit like this onscreen, _then_ you can start wondering whether I own _Metalocalypse_.  
Notes: Another post-"Dethsources" drabble. It's also a follow-up to "And There You Led Me On," which featured a Nathan/Charles encounter immediately following the attack in "The Revengencers". The title comes from Nine Inch Nails' "Closer," because… well, just look up the lyrics some time.

**The Only Thing That Works**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan knew what was about to happen the minute he saw Charles with the sword.

He allowed himself to be led by the hand to Charles' office. He was dripping with sweat and still wearing his corpse paint, but he knew by now that Charles liked that. He liked the smell, liked for Nathan to make him messy. And Nathan did his best to oblige.

He fucked Charles on top of his own desk, devouring his neck and mouth, smearing his face with the stage makeup, encouraged by his breathless gasps and tugs on his hair.

"Nate… Talk to me."

Charles liked for Nathan to talk dirty sometimes, and Nathan knew what he needed to hear tonight.

"You're mine, you hot little bitch. Did you think you were going to escape? I'm never letting you get away. Got that? I fucking _own_ you."

He bent low, soothing the harsh words with soft kisses, giving Charles everything he wanted, everything he deserved, everything he was too often denied. Nathan knew then why he'd hesitated to replace their manager when the others had called for the vote.

It was never how much they needed him. It was how much Charles needed them.


	27. Hey Pals!

Title: Hey Pals!  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles, OCs  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Nothing other than me having written it.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. But Charlie's little sisters are mine, and you can'ts has dem. :P  
Notes: For khronos_keeper, who requested that I get off my duff and write it already. :D The origin of Facebones and a glimpse into Charles Ofdensen's youth. For those fortunate enough not to know, Lisa Frank is a children's artist and creator of a brand of school supplies, coloring books, and such popular with little girls because of its bright colors, cute animals, and excessive use of unicorns and rainbows.

**Hey Pals!**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Stop that!"

Charlie looked up, annoyed, a truly disturbing sock puppet adorning his hand. "What? I'm playing with the baby."

His sister scowled. "Stop using that _voice!"_

The boy grinned, turning back to his captive infant audience, his voice becoming high and squeaking. "But 'Lilah likes the Mr. Sockface voice, don't you?" He tapped the puppet against his youngest sister's nose, causing her to giggle. "See?"

"It's demented! It gonna give her nightmares!"

"'Tricia used to like it, too." Charlie made the puppet "talk" to the older girl. "Now you like Lisa Frank. _That's _demented. That shit looks like a ten-year-old's acid trip!"

_"Stop it!"_ Patricia squirmed in her seat. "It sounds like… like a skeleton on crack!"

Charlie snorted. "You don't know what cr-" He paused, suddenly rising and bolting from the room. "Watch the baby, I'll be right back."

He returned fifteen minutes later, his former puppet replaced with a black-and-white striped sock, two dizzy, plastic eyes glued to one end. He held it up.

"Looks like a skeleton, yeah?"

Patricia stared. "You are such a freak…"

Charlie grinned broadly, kneeling before the baby, sing-songing. "'Lilah, I've got a new friend for you. Say hi to Mr. Facebones."


	28. Big Bad

Title: Big Bad  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash. Charles harboring a mild and incredibly specific furry kink.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Rest assured that if I did, I would make this shit canon.  
Notes: Takes place within the same continuity as "Sheepskin," obviously at some point after those events. I don't want to say you have to read that one to understand this drabble, but Charles' little kink here isn't going to make any kind of sense if you haven't.

**Big Bad**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"You… want me to…?"

"Wear this."

Nathan stared at the article pressed into his hands.

"And… you're sure? This is what you want?"

Charles peered bashfully up at him from beneath his eyelashes. "Please."

Nathan could never refuse when Charles acted so sweetly submissive. It always meant good things for him. He slipped the headband into place, the furry, pointed ears attached blending perfectly with his own hair.

He felt silly, but knew it was worth it when Charles flushed deeply and moaned.

Nathan grinned, canines bared. "Like that, baby?"

"Oh, yes." His hand trailed down Nathan's chest. "Now growl."


	29. The Obligatory Beach Episode

Title: The Obligatory Beach Episode  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Dethklok, Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Dethklok goes to the beach. I'm assuming that's warning enough.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Again, you can tell by how this crap I write never shows up on TV.  
Notes: For FTW, who wanted ficcage inspired by her arts, and Xixthe, who wanted more of Dethklok going to the ocean. SO HERE YOU GO! The title is in reference to the apparent rule that all comedic series have to have at least one episode wherein the characters go to the beach. Bonus points to whoever can spot the _Penny Arcade_ reference!

**The Obligatory Beach Episode**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles should have known better when the boys promised to be on their best behavior for this trip. He _knew_ what their best behavior actually entailed.

But he had to admit they were so far keeping their promise. No innocent bystanders had been knocked unconscious by errant volleyballs or eaten by sharks or anything. The boys kept it in the family today.

Pickles, already pickled, had trusted Skwisgaar to apply sunscreen for him while he slept. The predictable result was a crispy red drummer with the phrase "Skwisgaar wus heres" patterned on his back. The Swede had disappeared by then, romancing every beach beauty between the ages of legal and dead, though not before helping Toki bury Murderface in the sand and refuse to dig him out.

Just when Charles dared to think at least Nathan was behaving himself, the frontman ran by in a panic, arms flailing, covered head-to-toe in angry crustaceans and bellowing, "Oh, God! Crabs! There's crabs!"

Charles sighed, pondering how long he could justifiably ignore all of this, when Toki gaily called out, waving a plastic shovel in the air.

"Lawyers-man! Builds sandcastles wit' me!"

It was no contest who was Charles' favorite for the day.


	30. Branded

Title: Branded  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 (OFC)  
Rating: PG-13 (for one F-bomb and implied murder)  
Warnings: *points to where it says "OFC"*  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. But #666 is mine, and you can't have her. (Not that you'd want her.)  
Notes: This is just for me, a short intro piece for my Klokateer OC #666 (aka Black Betty and far more rarely by her given name, Birget). To the ones that know who they are, thank you for telling me this didn't suck. *HUGS*

**Branded**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The mask was only pulled on halfway, making it difficult to breathe and impossible to see. She supposed that was the point. Maybe it was some kind of rebirth metaphor, and she'd be granted those abilities again when she was one of them.

Symbolism. How clever.

She sat straighter, knees scraping on the stone floor, trying to appear older, hardened by her experience, as if the blood on her hands wasn't the first she had spilled and she wasn't ready to piss herself in terror at any moment, hideously aware that the attention of everyone present was focused squarely on her.

She felt pretty grateful for the mask now.

The iron came down quickly, right at the base of her bowed head, and she gritted her teeth, eyes squeezed shut, keeping silent, the smell of her own sizzling flesh in her nose and the blood pounding in her ears. She was out of her fucking mind, she realized, to have wanted this.

Well… then she should fit right in.

Her mask was adjusted properly, and she was bidden to rise and face the other branded as a nearby voice softly intoned, "Number 666."

She grinned. Yeah… This should be fun.


	31. Playground

Title: Playground  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 (OFC)  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Violence, blood, and yet again, an OFC  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Klokateer #666 ("Black Betty"/Birget) is mine. All mine, do you hear!  
Notes: Yeah, so I like writing for my Klokateer chickie. What of it? This is just a scene that popped into my head. More experimentation with the character and a little exploration of the fact that she's… Well, crazy. :)

**Playground**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

She counted them off merrily as they fell.

"Onesie! Twosie! Threesie! Foursie!"

The smell of gunpowder hung heavy in the air, dying screams ringing in her ears. She tore the hood off her head so neither would be filtered and spoil her fun.

She spun around and fired again, point-blank. Hot blood splashed across her face and she squealed, like a child running through a sprinkler.

"Five!"

She stretched an arm towards a hooded playmate, calling excitedly as he passed. "Watch me!"

Stepping, twirling, killing, and laughing, she plunged deeper into the fray. "Again! Again!"

The battlefield was her playground.


	32. Beautiful Nathan

Title: Beautiful Nathan  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Nathan, Charles, Lavona Succuboso  
Rating: PG-13 (for language and Lavona-related creepiness)  
Warnings: Allusions to het and turn-your-head-and-squint slash.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I do this shit for fun.  
Notes: Here's a little Nathan-worship, because _damn_ that man is worshipful. Dethklok's frontman as seen through the eyes of his fans, his manager, and one truly terrifying woman. Set post-"Black Fire Upon Us" and assumes that Lavona survives the events of that episode.

**Beautiful Nathan**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

He is their god. Their idol. The growling, corpse-white deity to whom they offer their souls and bodies. Arms raised in worship, they scream and chant his name.

Their beautiful Nathan.

He is her prize. Her future. The one man upon whom her sights are set. She will not rest until he is hers and she carries the proof within her womb.

Her beautiful Nathan.

He is his client. One of his boys. The one to whom he owes his life and has pledged so much more. God help anyone who fucks with his bread and butter.

His beautiful Nathan.


	33. Broken Bird

Title: Broken Bird  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Some light and fluffy hurt/comfort.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope the third season begins like this.  
Notes: Rather belated get-well drabble for Tracy. ^_^; (Pretend you're still sick when you read this!) She wanted some fluffy Nathan/Charles. Takes place some time after the second season finale. Charles is physically more or less recovered from his ordeal, but he's got a ways to go in other areas. Rattie inspired Charles' pet-name in this (she used it in our RP, and I thought it was adorable), which in turn inspired the title.

**Broken Bird**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Nathan…? _Nathan!"_

The singer grunted, rolling onto his back to meet a pair of wide, frightened eyes and a trembling voice.

"Are you alive?"

_'Aw, shit.'_ Nathan forced himself upright and awake, reaching for the other man. "Yeah, I'm alive. C'mere, c'mere. You have another nightmare?"

Charles went readily into his arms, burrowing into the broad chest, his voice a shaking whisper. "They took you away from me. They took you all away."

"Shhh…" Nathan held his manager close, stroking his back, careful to avoid the still healing scar near his shoulder. Charles didn't like to be reminded of it. "It was just a dream, Charlie. That's never gonna happen."

The man in his arms shivered. "It almost did."

"But it _didn't_. And it never will. C'mere…" Nathan lay back, drawing Charles along with him and kissing his brow. "We're all okay, Charlie. Everything's okay now."

Charles curled atop the frontman's chest, nestling as close as possible, almost wishing he could climb inside of him. "Just… don't leave."

"Try and get rid of us." Nathan stroked the short brown hair, rumbling gently. "You sleep, Charlie-bird. S'okay. I'm right here."

Charles laid his ear over Nathan's heart and didn't dream again.


	34. Almost Perfect

Title: Almost Perfect  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: R  
Warnings: Slashy sexin's  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_, which can be evidenced by the fact that this hasn't happened in the show. …Yet.  
Notes: For TeratoMarty, whose Mustakrakish/Castratikron fic filled a void in me that I did not know existed. 3 He requested Nathan and Charles having a little sex. I hope slightly awkward first time sex will suffice.

**Almost Perfect**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles wasn't expecting perfection. Not the first time. It had been quite awhile for him, after all, and Nathan was… well… _big_. The height difference kept throwing them off, the angle wasn't quite right, and it was obvious that Nathan would be finishing long before him.

No, not perfect. But not bad. What pain there was had faded, the sensation of being filled by that generous dick now rather satisfying. Nathan was certainly enjoying himself, and Charles found pleasure in that, and in the rhythm they set, Nathan's weight on his back, the kisses pressed to his shoulders, and… _oh_… that huge hand on his dick was quite nice, too.

Hot breath brushed his ear as Nathan, half in apology and half in warning, grunted, "Close."

Charles responded by pressing back hard with his hips as Nathan pressed his upper body further down, shifting his weight along Charles' back and… _There_ it was. That was the angle. Right there.

_"Uhhhn…"_ Charles rubbed his face against the sheets, rocking back into Nathan's erratic thrusts, enjoying the precious remaining seconds before Nathan's hips snapped hard and heat flooded his insides.

Nathan stilled. His hand didn't. Charles smiled.

No, not perfect. But almost.


	35. Merry F ing Christmas

Title: Merry F ~ing Christmas  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash, terrible euphemisms, possible trigger for repressed childhood trauma  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. If I did, I would've announced the airdate of Season Three by now.  
Notes: Written for the winter/holiday-themed contest on Brutal Business. Somewhat inspired by a couple of incidents in a RP with Tracy (the main difference being that Charles had the good sense to lock the door there).

**Merry F ~ing Christmas**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Hey… Hey, wake up."

"Mmm… What…? What?" Charles groaned, glancing at the digital clock. "Nathan, it's 5:30. What is it? Can't wait for your presents?"

"Not exactly… Kinda… wondered if _you_ wanted… an early present…"

Nathan gave him a crooked, almost shy grin, one Charles recognized as "sheepish and horny". Of course, the morning erection nudging against his hip was also a clue.

Charles considered the offer. "Hmm… Well, I should say no, just for that terrible euphemism. But seeing as it's Christmas…"

He rolled onto his back, letting his knees fall open and laughing aloud as Nathan immediately moved between them, getting right to work. It certainly wasn't a bad way to wake on Christmas morning. Much nicer than when Toki…

Oh, hell.

The bedroom door banged open and suddenly a pair of red and white striped socks filled Charles' vision, bouncing up and down by his face.

"Charlies! Is Christmas, Charlies! We opens presents now, ja? We opens- Hi, Nat'ans! Whats you's is doings...?"

Toki let out a scream as he saw just _what_ Nathan was doing there and fled the room, leaving Deddy Bear behind to fend for himself. Charles sighed heavily. Nathan snorted.

"Merry fucking Christmas."


	36. Black and White

Title: Black and White  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Mild slash  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. …Sucks, don't it?  
Notes: Just something that came to mind while pondering the physical similarities between Selatcia and the Metal-Masked Assassin. And of course I had to work some Nathan/Charles in there because… well, I wouldn't be me if I didn't.

**Black and White**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

White-haired men haunt his dreams. (He won't sleep.)

One wears a mask. The other keeps his back to him. Both faces are burned behind his eyes, though he has never seen either one.

One wants him dead. (He almost was.) The other wants his boys. (He doesn't know why.) He's not certain which frightens him more.

White is nothing. Absence. Emptiness.

Black is everything. Fullness. Warmth.

Black sheets wrap around him. Black blankets keep him warm. Black nails scratch his back. Black strands slide between his fingers.

A black-haired man holds him close and (for awhile) the whiteness fades away.


	37. Voyeur

Title: Voyeur  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Lavona  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash, voyeurism (duh), Lavona being creepy (she's good at that)  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Seriously. Stop asking.  
Notes: This can somewhat be construed as a follow-up to "Beautiful Nathan"; as well as a lead-in of sorts to the Nathan/Charles mpreg I keep mentioning. Really, it's all just part of my "Fuck you, Lavona" campaign. Oh, how I love to hate that woman.

**Voyeur**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

They kissed like teenagers, clumsy and eager, hands frantic, fumbling with tie knots and belt buckles, stumbling and stepping on toes, refusing to break apart as they raced for the bed. They missed, but decided the floor was good enough, laughing, foreheads pressed together.

Tender and playful. They wouldn't allow anyone to see it.

But they didn't know she was watching.

She turned away before long, away from the murmured affections, the soft moans. She wouldn't stay to watch Nathan Explosion waste his seed within a barren vessel.

He was hers. He'd know it soon enough.

They'd both know it.


	38. Sloppy

Title: Sloppy  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash; possible spoiler for DVD special features?  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. If I did, the bonus features would be made entirely of stuff like this.  
Notes: Inspired, of course, by the Mother of All Hidden Features. I do have a longer, one-shot plotbunny for that, as well, but I just wouldn't be me if I didn't crank out a drabble version, too.

**Sloppy**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Whoa…" Nathan exhaled slowly, staring up at the ceiling. "Melmord… Melmord did _not_ do that."

"Hmm…" Charles smiled, lazy, satisfied, and more than a little smug.

"I mean, that…" Nathan shook his head. "That was just _nasty_."

Charles chuckled faintly, kissing Nathan's stomach. "You were an animal."

"Yeah…" The frontman looked down, idly fondling his manager's ass. "So is this… Y'know… Is this just for now, or… Could we do this again?"

"Oh… I think we could work something out."

"Really?"

"Mm-hm…" Charles crawled the length of Nathan's body, purring in his ear. "You should see what I do sober."


	39. Only a Ring Away

Title: Only a Ring Away  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 (OFC), Number Three (OMC)  
Rating: PG-13 (for an F-bomb)  
Warnings: OCs  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 ("Black Betty"/Birget) belongs to me. Number Three (Badger) is the property of The Magic Rat and is used with permission.  
Notes: Just me playing with my toys again (and one of Rattie's). I love Betty. I'm amassing a small playlist for her, and this drabble is inspired by two songs from it: Spiderbait's cover of "Black Betty" and "Red Fraction" by Mell.

**Only a Ring Away**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Waiting was always the hard part.

She was a creature of violence, a walking clusterfuck, called in guns blazing to make a Godawful, gory mess. And she loved it.

But she was also obedient, a dog conditioned to heed its master's command, even if that was "Keep still. Keep steady. Wait." No matter how her fingers itched, skin tingled, body burned for action…

And good dogs were always rewarded.

Static burst in her ear, Number Three's voice filtering through.

"They're headed your way, Betty. Ready to play?"

Back on his end, Badger heard a chuckle and a distinct _klck-shck_.

"Always."


	40. Enjoy the Silence

Title: Enjoy the Silence  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 (OFC), Number 747 (OFC) (mention of Ofdensen if you pay attention)  
Rating: PG (for mentions of death and ambiguous relationships)  
Warnings: OFCs, maybe some femslash if you squint  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 ("Black Betty"/Birget) is mine. I lay claim to the name, number, and personality of Number 747 ("Baby Boom"/Renée), but her character design  
belongs to Small and Blacha.  
Notes: Inspired by Lacuna Coil's cover of "Enjoy the Silence". Very lovely song. It made me think of these two, and I'll take any excuse to write about my brain-babies. :D Boom's character design is based entirely on the "Explode Me" groupie from "Girlfriendklok". I liked her look and her smirk. They're pretty much the same character, though I'm still trying to determine how she went from groupie to Klokateer in the necessary time.

**Enjoy the Silence**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The silence was a good thing.

Silence meant the fires were out. It meant the enemy was dead or captured. It meant no one was dying anymore (at least none of the people who mattered). The silence meant everything was okay.

So why hadn't she been able to sleep since the attack?

She kept it to herself. A tired Klokateer was no good to anyone. They had sent her to the sniper tower to relieve Six Sixty-Six, but that wasn't happening any time soon. Betty hadn't slept since the attack either. She refused to. She wouldn't give up her post, not while he was still in the hospital.

Boom sagged back, sliding to the floor. She could show her exhaustion here. Betty looked out for her, always had. Probably more than she should. She could rest here, as much as she was able…

She started. Betty had moved, just a little, a step or two to the side until she was next to her. Without a word, she guided Boom's head to her hip, and suddenly the silence wasn't so unnatural, so unnerving. Suddenly… it felt reassuring…

Renée leaned on her friend, and, for the moment, she enjoyed the silence.


	41. Pick up That Guitar and Talk to Me

Title: Pick up That Guitar and Talk to Me  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Toki  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Mild slash and language  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Or the song I'm shamelessly referencing.  
Notes: My first Skwisgaar/Toki drabble in close to a year! For that reason, I'm uncertain as to how good it is. But I'm willing to chance it. Inspired by listening to Poison's "Talk Dirty to Me" _waaaay_ too many times.

**Pick up That Guitar and Talk to Me**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Toki had had enough.

Skwisgaar's constant insults and histrionics. Their bitching and bickering. And in between, the tenderness, the soft, stolen glances.

All too much for far too long. They were having this out now.

He marched into the studio, finding the Swede sprawled over the couch, guitar in hand.

"Skwisgaar. I's gots to tells you-"

"Shhh," Skwisgaar admonished, focused on his fingering.

"Dis ams imsportants-"

"Shhhhh."

"Dammit, Skwisgaar, I has somet'ings to say!"

Skwisgaared paused, looked him straight in the eye, and nodded to his Flying V.

"So says it."

Toki picked up his guitar and told him everything.


	42. Bouquet

Title: Bouquet  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13 (for language)  
Warnings: Mild slash, lame jokes  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Hell, I don't even own beer.  
Notes: A quick and dirty (and belated) Valentine's drabble. Inspired by a really lame joke I used while RP-ing with Rattie.

**Bouquet**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Happy Valentine's Day."

Nathan froze as Charles nuzzled and kissed his cheek.

"Uhhh… Huh? It is…?" Crap, he had completely forgotten it was Valentine's Day, much less ever considered that Charles would want to celebrate it. Oh God, he had fucked up, he was dead, he was-

"Nathan." Charles smiled. "Relax. I just noticed the date and thought I'd get you something."

"Oh…" Nathan sagged with relief. "Oh, yeah?"

Charles reached beneath his desk and pulled out a case of Nathan's favorite imported beer.

"Aw, baby. You got me booze?"

"I thought you'd like it more than two dozen _roses_."


	43. Love of His Life

Title: Love of His Life  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Mild slash, hopeless romanticism  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Otherwise this wouldn't be fanfiction. It'd be an episode transcript.  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! This one assaulted me while I was trying to sleep. Sort of inspired by ponderings concerning my characterization of Charles in a roleplay.

**Love of His Life.**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles had never experienced anything like this before. He'd had relationships certainly, some good, some bad, with men and women alike. But nothing like what he had with Nathan.

This was it, his one great love. These were the moments: making love in the back of the limo; passionate kissing backstage just before the show; Nathan pulling him close in front of the paparazzi, just _daring_ them to say something.

These were the memories he'd recall in his old age, never failing to make him smile. Just as he smiled now, knowing they would still be making memories even then.


	44. Ridin' in the Middle of His Pickup Truck

Title: Ridin' in the Middle of His Pickup Truck  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Um… crack? I think this qualifies as mild crack. Goofy as hell, anyway.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. James and Delilah Ofdensen, however, are mine (though James was named by Rattie, and Delilah is only referred to here as "youngest daughter").  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! Yes, I'm insane. I wrote a Nathan/Charles drabble inspired by a country song. Specifically, "Ladies Love Country Boys" by Trace Adkins. Look up the lyrics sometime, and, hopefully, I'll seem a little less crazy. The last line of this drabble also appears in an RP-fic I wrote with Rattie. I liked it so much, I used it twice!

**Ridin' in the Middle of His Pickup Truck**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

James Ofdensen stared as the monstrous motorcycle invaded his driveway, driven by… some sort of humanoid ox? Clinging to the back of the beast was a smaller figure, who lifted his head to gaze worshipfully at the Behemoth.

James' youngest daughter pressed her face against the window and squeaked.

"Daddy, that's Charlie! That's Charlie with Nathan Explosion!"

Hair growing out, dressed in the clothes he'd put away after college, his son Charles walked hand-in-hand with the beast to the house; and James Ofdensen finally received cosmic retribution for conceiving him in the back of a van at an Aerosmith concert.


	45. Profit off Your Interest

Title: Profit off Your Interest  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Nathan, Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Manager tanty?  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Nor do I own the song "Briefcase Full of Guts". I can't even lay claim to the idea that it was inspired by Charles, because… Well, it's pretty obvious.  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! Even though they aren't actually paired in this, I think it can count as pre-slash. As said above, I, like most devoted Charles fans, subscribe to the theory that "Briefcase Full of Guts" was inspired in-universe by that most mighty and metal of managers. What with that and voicing Facebones, Charles should be almost as big a celebrity as any of the boys of Dethklok.

**Profit off Your Interest**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The best songs happened by accident.

Like "Briefcase Full of Guts". Nathan never planned to write that. Businessmen weren't brutal! At least he didn't think so. Not at the time.

Not before he happened to glance into Charles' office in passing, and see his manager accidentally close his briefcase on his shirt; see the briefcase fall, ripping the shirt in half; see Charles roar with rage and hurl the briefcase against the wall, half-naked, feral, panting; see him free, just for a moment.

If he noticed Nathan then, or stalking him with a pad and pen afterwards, he never commented.


	46. Skeleton in the Closet

Title: Skeleton in the Closet  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Facebones  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Or this would have happened. I would have made it happen.  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! I just could not resist. I subscribe to the theory that Charles' is the in-story voice of Facebones, and think it's safe to assume that Dethklok is blind to this fact. And Charles probably likes it this way. And yes, I did select the absolute _most_ embarrassing Facebones soundbite I could find (from the bonus features of the Season Two DVDs). I'm evil like that. ;) Cameo appearance by my OC, Klokateer #666.

**Skeleton in the Closet**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"You can't go in, my Lord."

Nathan glanced at the Klokateer blocking the studio door, identifying her as one of a personal guard that often accompanied Charles. Good.

"He's in here, right," he said, trying to shoulder past her, grunting as she blocked him again.

"My Lord, you can't- Hey!"

He shoved his way inside, ears immediately assaulted by a familiar screech.

"-Strap-on dildo! If you wanna fuck someone and you don't… have a… wiener… "

Charles' mouth fell slack, meeting and mirroring Nathan's shocked expression. He leaned slowly into the mic, voice still squeaky.

"Please still sleep with me."


	47. It Ain't No Big Thing

Title: It Ain't No Big Thing  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 (OFC)  
Rating: PG-13 (for language and implied drinking and violence)  
Warnings: See "Cast" and "Rating" above.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 ("Black Betty"/Birget) is mine and may only be used with permission (if you actually wanted to).  
Notes: Dedicated to Feral Toki and in celebration of her birthday. Thank you for the betas, the encouragement, and assorted general awesomeness. And hope you don't mind my drawing from Lita Ford's "Kiss Me Deadly". It seemed appropriate for Betty.

**It Ain't No Big Thing**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The bar was deserted except for them. It was never their intention, but when a pack of off-duty Gears invaded a public place, jacked up on adrenaline and countless self-denied urges, the general populace tended to disappear if they knew what was good for them. Shit happened.

At least no one had died this time. And there had been opportunity.

Betty (more than Number 666 tonight, but still not quite Birget) sat on the floor, one arm hooked around a barstool, one leg straight out (still hoping to trip angry drunks that were no longer there), rubbing at her black eye almost fondly. She didn't remember who had given it to her, whether he had been some random bar trash or one of her own (it was a_ big_ fight), but she didn't care. She had broken his nose in return, and that's what mattered.

Before the regular patrons had cleared out, some guy had given her his number. Nice guy, nice-looking, with an easy smile and a sense of humor that had her laughing even in memory. She wouldn't call him.

She let her head fall back against the bar, grinning a Goddamned mile.

It was a good night.


	48. Professional

Title: Professional  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Pickles, Nathan  
Rating: PG (for brief vulgarity)  
Warnings: Not much that I can see…  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I promise to give it back when I'm done.  
Notes: Dedicated to The Magic Rat and in celebration of her birthday. You are my friend, you are my partner in crime, you are my enabler. And I can't thank you enough. 3 I hope this is close enough to what you asked for. Nathan-Pickles cuddly bromance, right? ;) Also, Pickles' accent is a bitch.

**Professional**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Yeah… Yeah, I know, Mom. …I already said it was okay. The baby can stay here. Yeah, Amber, too. Yeah… Hey, it's gahna be fine. I'll talk to my manager about- No… Mom, you don't need to talk to him. …Mom, he's naht gahna care about that! Nobody cares! …Yes, ma'am. Yes, I'm sahry. Look, I'll take of everything. I prahmise. Goodbye."

Pickles fell back onto the couch, letting the phone slip from his hand and rubbing his eyes. Another day, another mess of his brother's to clean up.

"Who left a drummer on my couch?"

"Eat me."

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "No thanks. So… What's the matter with you?"

Pickles sighed. "My fuckin' brother…"

"Oh… Yeah." Nathan stared at the sad little lump of drummer, slowly grinning. "I know what you need…"

"…No. No, you don't."

"S'alright. I'm a professional."

"Get away from me, you sonuva-"

Pickles made to scramble away, but Nathan's massive arms captured and pinned him to his chest. He squealed and kicked as Nathan spun him around, protests turning to laughter, briefly imagining that this was what having a brother was supposed to be like as Nathan's demonic growl reverberated throughout the room.

"HUG THERAPY!"


	49. Haunted

Title: Haunted  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Toki, Charles, Juliette  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Elements of horror (or at least my attempts at such)  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I don't think even I could be mean enough to do this in the actual show.  
Notes: Inspired by the rather… _eerie_, to say the least, reuse of Juliette for a crowd scene in "Dethgov". Also by very brief ponderings of whether this was intentional or not (I mean, did they really not notice that they put a little dead girl in Florida?). Fun Fact: Grishnackt's secretary is also in the same scene, and seems to have gone from "poor abused darling" to "psychotic pitch-forker" in less than half a season. It's that godless rock and roll, I tell ya…

**Haunted**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

She's always there.

He sees her, whenever he forgets to look. She's there: in the bathroom mirror when he lifts his head; between the shadows backstage; amongst the rioting fans on TV.

The others don't see her. But she's only meant for him, her features slack and rotting, empty eye sockets staring, always staring.

He seeks shelter with Charles tonight, no longer able to sleep alone, and Charles tells him it's okay, it's not his fault, there's no such thing at ghosts.

But he doesn't see her, in the corner of the room, staring, always staring, accusing him.

Always there…


	50. Make It Better

Title: Make It Better  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles, Toki  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Nothing really  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Otherwise this would have been the final scene of the episode.  
Notes: Inspired by "Dethfashion," because poor Toki needed his daddy to make that better.

**Make It Better**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles stared ahead at the foreboding Gothic castle.

_'Hmm… Mine's bigger.'_

He'd had severe regrets about hiring Von Wiechlinghammer long before his boys had summoned him here in hysterics, and the sobbing guitarist running towards him with outstretched arms certainly validated his concerns.

Toki leapt for his manager. "Papa!" he cried, making Charles' heart skip and his arms encircle the younger man, catching him, something he'd never done so readily before.

"Is bad mans, Papa…" Toki whimpered softly. "You makes him goes away?"

The spikes on Toki's clothes were drawing blood, but Charles held him tighter.

"Yes. Yes, I will."


	51. Stay for the Company

Title: Stay for the Company  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles (pre-slash)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Largely platonic fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I just like to play in their sandbox.  
Notes: Dedicated to Terry and in celebration of her birthday. And for simply being the sweetest person to ever grace the face of the earth. 3 Inspired by her fanart of "The Mother of All Hidden Features". ;)

**Stay for the Company**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan grunted as, for not the first time that night, he found his lap invaded by several pounds of drunken lawyer.

"I found my tie!" said gooned advocate announced triumphantly, proceeding to drape the red material around Nathan's neck, smoothing it out with both hands. "Don't wanna lose it again."

He rested his hands on the frontman's chest (longer than was strictly necessary, Nathan couldn't help but notice) and gently pushed off, rolling to sit beside him, smiling distantly. "This was fun…"

Nathan made a smug rumbling sound in his chest. "See? Knew you couldn't be a humorless dick all the time."

"No…" Charles agreed, smirking faintly. "Only when you're being stupid."

"Hey, that's not a nice thing to… Okay, yeah, I'll give you that. Just this once."

He put a companionable arm around the smaller man, not worried it would be rejected. Charles had always seemed more comfortable around him. "So, uh… Not that it matters, but… I was never gonna, y'know… pick Melmord…"

"Mm… I knew _you_ wouldn't…" Charles' eyes drifted closed and his head began canting towards Nathan's shoulder. Dangerously close to passing out, he reached for the larger man's hand, briefly squeezing. "And it does matter."


	52. Pillow Pal

Title: Pillow Pal  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I cry myself to sleep at night over it.  
Notes: Inspired by Hallo's pic of a ripped Nathan and Janie's comments on the same. Title is a lame reference to a line of stuffed animals. Mine was an orange koala. :D

**Pillow Pal**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Charlie… It's gone."

Charles shook his head, brow furrowed in concentration. "It can't _all_ be gone."

"Charlie… You're insane."

The manager ignored him, continuing his thorough inspection of Nathan's stomach. His _flat _stomach. It happened every tour: the concerts, erratic hours, and missed meals melted the pounds from Nathan's midsection. And Charles was absolutely impossible until they returned.

"A-ha!" Charles triumphantly prodded the sole area of flab remaining on the singer's belly, promptly resting his head there and curling around Nathan's thighs with a contented sigh.

Nathan rolled his eyes. "You're an odd little man, Charlie."

"Hmmm…"

"Don't ever change."


	53. Access Denied

Title: Access Denied  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG (one riffed-out swear for comedic effect)  
Warnings: It was written by me.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. If I had, this would have been the deleted scene on the DVD, not that crap with the Dethboat going up the hill.  
Notes: Missing scene from "Dethcarraldo". My initial thought after Nathan and Charles brief conversation was "Nathan is sleeping on the _couch_ tonight". XD …Well, not so initial. It was after "They are _so_ screwing". :D

**Access Denied**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan embraced Charles from behind, nipping his neck. "Mmmm… I am gonna miss you, baby."

"Nathan… I was going to bed."

Nathan grinned, voice dripping with lust. "I know…"

Charles deftly escaped his arms. "I'm not in the mood."

"…You're joking."

"Why would I be?"

"Baby-!" Nathan was aghast. "I'm going to the _Amazon_ tomorrow!"

"And I have done my job in preparing you for the trip. After all…" He paused in the doorway leading to his bedroom, fixing Nathan with an icy glare. _"I just pay the bill."_

The door shut, leaving Nathan alone in the silent office.

"…F ~k."


	54. Had a Swag Like Mine

Title: Had a Swag Like Mine  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Slash! Pre-smut! Nekkids!  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Or this would be happening all the time.  
Notes: The first of a trio of N/C song-based drabbles (also known as the reason I should keep my iPod far, far away while I'm doing fandom shit). This one I blame entirely on listening to Framing Hanley's cover of "Lollipop" while RPing with Rattie. In fact, I'll just blame it entirely on Rattie. It's all her fault!

**Had a Swag Like Mine**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan grunted as his back hit the mattress, staring up in shock at his manager, trying to reconcile the shy hesitant man of moments ago, who'd had to be coaxed and cajoled into allowing Nathan to undress him, with the bold, naked creature that now straddled his hips as he pinned the singer to the bed, pert little ass hovering teasingly over his straining erection.

It would seem he'd awakened a monster.

As the shock began to ebb, Charles looked down at his temporary captive with a grin of challenge. And with a growl, Nathan surged forward to meet it.


	55. Swimming Through Sick Lullabies

Title: Swimming Through Sick Lullabies  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Charles/Nathan (one-sided?), Nathan/Some Chick  
Rating: PG (for implied violence)  
Warnings: Het, unrequited slash (WTF am I doing?), and angst (okay, that sounds like me again)  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I promise I would never do this in the show if I did.  
Notes: The second of a trio of N/C song-based drabbles. This time it's "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers, which I have equated with "Girlfriendklok" since the beginning of time. This is because I am a filthy little angst-whore for Jealous! Charles. Though I did have a particular homewrecker girl in mind, her identity has been left blank. Fill it in however you like.

**Swimming Through Sick Lullabies**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles thought he couldn't hate anyone more than Rebecca. He was wrong.

He hated this one most of all, hated everything about her. Hated her smile and her laugh. Hated the way she walked and batted her eyes. Hated her so much he wanted to bash her pretty little head against the wall again and again.

Instead, he endured, even as she sat with _him; _watched as she was gifted with the touches and looks that had almost been his; gritted his teeth and smiled even as it killed him.

Charles hated her most of all. Because Nathan loved her.


	56. A Different View

Title: A Different View  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: We have returned to romanceville, folks.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Stop making me admit it!  
Notes: The third and final of a trio of N/C song-based drabbles (aren't you glad?). Song cited is Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" FOR OBVIOUS REASONS. And less obvious ones, such as its appearance in a RP with Tracy. I had to top this sandwich off with pure romantic sap to make up for that dastardly filling of angst and het. I hope you still love me. 3

**A Different View**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The concert was over. The reporters had been turned away. The after party had ended. The fans and groupies were left far behind. And miles of dark road separated them from doing the whole damn thing over again.

These were their miles.

The world outside flew past the bedroom window, the Dethbus carrying them through the night with a dull roar, drowning out everything but the certainty of the two of them, huddled close on top of the bedcovers, the talent with his arms around his manager and Charles bringing his lips to Nathan's ear to whisper:

"Sing to me."


	57. The Cycle of Learning Is Complete

Title: The Cycle of Learning Is Complete  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Klokateers #666 ("Black Betty"/Birget) and #1313 ("Crow"); Surprise pairing!  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: OCs and… well, technically het  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. But pretty much everyone in this drabble is mine.  
Notes: There is no deeper meaning to this drabble than the following: I love wolves. And Betty is a french fry short of a value meal.

**The Cycle of Learning Is Complete**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Betty tilted her head curiously, mirroring the gesture of the furry, bespectacled creature before her.

"So… I guess Charlie-Wolf's a girl, huh?"

Number 1313 sneered in disbelief. "You couldn't tell?"

"Never really thought to check…" Betty shrugged, studying Charlie-Wolf and the three small bodies curled at his… her stomach: two tiny, fuzzy grey and one fat, glossy black. She watched as Conan, the yard-wolves' hulking, black alpha, joined them in the makeshift den, the limp body of a "wayward kitty" hanging from his jaws. He dropped it before his nearsighted mate, looking proud.

"Huh… Guess that explains all the humpin'."


	58. Natural Selection

Title: Natural Selection  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: I dunno, wolf!het?  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I'll claim the wolves, if I may.  
Notes: Follow-up/companion piece to "The Cycle of Learning Is Complete". Oh, those rascally wolves. 3

**Natural Selection**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charlie-Wolf's chosen den had become littered with the rotting carcasses of her mate's offerings, her bedding stained with fluids best left to the imagination. Her namesake surveyed the grisly scene.

"Why did it have to be my bed?" Charles lamented, gazing at new mother, proud father, and nursing pups, content amongst the carnage.

"S'your own fault," Nathan gruffed, scratching Conan's ears. "Y'let them sleep with you all the time."

"Well, I like company."

"Yeah, _I_ know." Nathan grinned wolfishly. "Look at it this way. Now if someone walks in on us, you've got an excuse for being in my bed."


	59. Elementary Face Fisting

Title: Elementary Face Fisting  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Lydia (OC)  
Rating: PG-13 (for one F-bomb)  
Warnings: Implied mpreg  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. The Magic Rat and I have joint custody of Lydia.  
Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "School Is Brutal" theme month. You may recognize Lydia from The Magic Rat's FFVII/Metal crossover series. The version of her used here is slightly different and more based on the one that originated in our crack!RP.

Elementary Face Fisting

By Doktor Girlfriend

"Mommy!"

Charles bent to scoop up his tiny daughter. "Hello, little bug. Did you have a nice day at…" His eyes fell on the pink slip of paper pinned to Lydia's jacket. "…School?"

He sighed, setting Lydia on his desk as he read the latest in a long series of notes from her teacher, glancing at the doorway where Lydia's Klokateer escort still lingered. "Please tell Nathan I wish to speak with him."

Lydia dangled her feet off the desk, frowning. Every time she brought a note home, Daddy got in trouble. She didn't know what her teacher had against him.

Nathan arrived quickly, grinning at his daughter. "Hey, princess, how was…?" His saw the note in Charles' hand. "Uh-oh."

Charles held out the note for Nathan to read. "Nathan, we've discussed this. I don't want Lydia listening to your music. She's too young to be using this language."

"I _don't_ let her listen to it. C'mon, Charlie, we're famous. She could've heard those lyrics anywhere."

As her parents argued, Lydia snatched the note from Charles, slowly attempting to sound out the words scribbled on it before blinking large, green eyes at her mother.

"But I _am_ so fuckin' tough."


	60. Stage Side

Title: Stage Side  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Mild slash  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. What a world, what a world…  
Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "Touring Is Brutal" theme month. Many thanks to Deani for the quick beta-check and help with the title. XD

**Stage Side**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

The last roar of the last encore ripped from his throat, quickly drowned by the screaming of the crowd. Their pleas for more were met with an unwavering glare. Nathan had no more voice for them.

He turned away from their perfumed accolades and blinding flashes, away from the burn of stage lights and the sizzle of feedback, and into cool shadows and a pair of waiting arms. With what remained of his voice, Nathan inquired of the only opinion that mattered.

"How was I?"

Hands slid into long black hair as brown eyes smiled behind wire rims.

"Incredible. Always."


	61. Piano Lessons

Title: Piano Lessons  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Skwisgaar, Toki  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Sad fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. The Scandinavians just follow me home sometimes.  
Notes: Oh, hey, I remember these guys! Didn't I use to write about them all the time? XD Set post-"Dethlessons," obviously, and a drabble-bunny I've had collecting dust for awhile. Felt the urge for some good ol'-fashioned Skwis/Toki fluff and dug it up. Also, "Stay" by Lisa Loeb is the official song for "Dethlessons". I decree it so.

**Piano Lessons**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Skwisgaar stood back as Toki knelt before the massive marble Explorer that marked Dimneld's grave, keeping watch without eavesdropping on his murmured mourning.

This man had meant a lot to Toki, who sought so much and asked for so little. In Dimneld, the young man had found a mentor, a friend, a confidant. And Skwisgaar felt a twist of shame in his gut, knowing that was not the first place Toki had looked. Merely the first time he hadn't been rejected.

He stepped forward, taking hold of a shivering shoulder.

"We goes home now, Toki. Is time for piano's lessons."


	62. Frenzy

Title: Frenzy  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Fanatical themes?  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. …And I can't think of anything clever to follow that with.  
Notes: I've been listening to "The Gears" for the last two days. Can you tell?

**Frenzy**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

They called it the Frenzy.

It overcame them in groups, often during battles and the branding ceremonies, adrenaline spurring their already fanatical devotion, reducing them to a violent, chanting orgy of worship to put to shame the most ardent fan or groupie.

No one was immune. Not even him.

He joined when he could, when he wouldn't be missed, crisp suits traded for hooded black, slipping into the zealous, churning mass of his brothers and sisters. Lost among their number, anonymous and free, his voice added to their chorus of exaltation.

Just another Gear in the Wheel of the Klok.


	63. High Cards

Title: High Cards  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Charles (sorta), Nathan/Charles (implied)  
Rating: PG (drunken kisses and mild reference to fellatio)  
Warnings: Umm… I guess the same as above.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. You see the kind of thing you're spared because of that? Be grateful.  
Notes: First of three drabbles written for The Magic Rat. Some Skwis/Charlie bonding during a night of communal boozing. Do not look for significance in the titles. There is very little.

**High Cards**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Hellos dere," Charles heard as his personal space was invaded by a drunken, leering Swede. "Whuts you is poutinks because tall, darks, and stupids not readings you's signals?"

"Skwisgaar, you are drunk."

He smirked. "Ja, but I nots idiots. Maybe you needs forgettinks Tonto and has real mans, ah?"

With that, the guitarist stole a sloppy, alcoholic kiss. As Charles eyes widened in shock, Skwisgaar's lost focus, and the Swede fell face-first onto Charles' lap, unconscious.

Charles sighed, glancing up as Pickles passed by, raising an eyebrow at the scene.

"No, this is not nearly as fun as it looks."


	64. Two of a Kind

Title: Two of a Kind  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Charles (implied), Skwisgaar/? (implied), Nathan/Charles (implied)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: None really…  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I imagine some of you are quite glad of that at this point.  
Notes: Second of three drabbles written for The Magic Rat. Follow-up to "High Cards". Some Skwis/Charlie bonding during a night of communal boozing. Do not look for significance in the titles. There is very little.

**Two of a Kind**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Sorries abouts earlier. I's… drunks."

"Yes, I'm aware," Charles assured, handing Skwisgaar a mug of coffee

"I mean, nots dat you nots goods-lookings jerk…"

"Likewise."

"Und I woulds totally takes a cracks at yous…"

"But of course."

"Is just…"

"I know…" Charles sipped his own coffee. "I'm not an idiot either."

"You lotsa t'ings. Nots idiot…"

"You could always try telling him."

"Sos could yous," Skwisgaar countered. "Why nots? Because maybe… is one persons you can'ts hear say no?"

"Something… like that."

Skwisgaar sighed, putting an arm around his manager. "We's somes pair, eh, robot?"

"Yes… I believe we are."


	65. Flush

Title: Flush  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Toki, Skwisgaar/Charles (implied), Nathan/Charles (implied)  
Rating: PG-13 (one F-bomb)  
Warnings: May cause diabetic coma  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. This is the extent to which I can force you to choke on my fluff.  
Notes: Third and final of three drabbles written for The Magic Rat. Follow-up to "Two of a Kind". Some Skwis/Charlie bonding during a night of communal boozing. Do not look for significance in the titles. There is very little.

**Flush**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Skwisgaar didn't have to hear no.

Though he was rather surprised by the vehemence of Toki's "YES!" and his shouting to the entire room "Hey, everybodies! Skwisgaar's my boyfriends!"

"Y'mean he wasn't already?" came a rumble from the corner.

"Fucks you, Nat'ans." But Skwisgaar couldn't even be annoyed, not with Toki snuggled in his arms and grinning like it was ten Christmases. He looked up, catching Charles' gaze from across the room, sharing a brief, private acknowledgment.

Then he smirked, tossing his golden hair in Nathan's direction. It was a night for taking chances, and they were finally paying off.


	66. Going Native

Title: Going Native  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Blood-kissing, references to cannibalism  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Tragic, but true.  
Notes: Inspired by the "Bloodlines" video and Piedcrow's pic "Appetite".

**Going Native**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles leapt from the helicopter before it had completely touched down, hitting the ground on all fours and scrambling to his feet while Nathan watched fondly. Poor guy was probably worried sick for his boys, shipwrecked in the unforgiving jungle.

He had no idea...

"Nathan! Oh, Nathan, thank God, you...!" Nathan saw Charles' eyes grow wide and the blood drain from his face as he drew close, no doubt discovering how thoroughly his frontman had "gone native". "Oh... Nathan... What did you do...?"

Nathan grinned, baring sharp white teeth stained red, fresh foreign blood dripping from his mouth. Chuckling, he bent and pressed his lips to Charles', holding him as he began to struggle.

"Nate, no… No, I… Can't… S'wrong… ah…"

But Nathan only chuckled again as Charles' protests faded into a soft whine, his fists curling against the singer's bare chest as he returned the kiss, biting and sucking at his lips, drinking from his mouth. He pulled back, smiling as his manager tried to follow his mouth, glassy-eyed, absently licking at his lips. Behind Nathan, the native people, _his_ people, approached, carrying a long tube.

He touched Charles' face, rumbling. "I've got so much to show you..."


	67. Jungle Love

Title: Jungle Love  
Author: Doktor Girflriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13 (for implied jungle sexin's)  
Warnings: References to blood-drinking, cannibalism, and drug use  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. If I did, I would devote an entire season to this.  
Notes: Follow-up to "Going Native". I tried to put in little hints to their spirit animals; let me know if it worked.

**Jungle Love**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"...with the Yannemango chief. And one night while they were eating together, she found her husband's pocket watch in her food."

"You mean...?"

"Yeah. She ate him. In a soup. She was already pregnant with my mom at the time."

"Wow... That's so romantic."

Nathan grinned toothily, running a hand over Charles' naked body. "You're way too easy when you're high."

Charles' lips were still stained with red blood drying brown, his nose and cheekbones liberally dusted with yellow. He matched Nathan's grin, his teeth looking almost as sharp as Nathan's in the firelight flickering outside the hut where they laid together, his eyes shining gold just for an instant. "Only for you."

The frontman leaned in, speaking with a low, throaty sound, hot breath stirring the powder on Charles' face. "Prove it."

The manager batted his flashing eyes, turning onto his back to submissively bare his belly and neck. His legs fell open as he made a soft, entreating noise, calling for his mate. Nathan gave a rumbling growl in response, slowly prowling over his smaller lover. They began to move together once more as outside the fires blazed and the drums pounded, keeping the primal rhythm for them.


	68. Timing Is Everything

Title: Timing Is Everything  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Julianna (OFC)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: None, unless you're offended by the very presence of an OC  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I can barely lay claim to Julianna, but I will as far as I can.  
Notes: Another drabble born from a one-liner in an RP with Rattie. Julianna is my version of Grishnackh's secretary. I didn't intend to write about her until her debut fic, but... oh, well!

**Timing Is Everything**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Mr. Ofdensen should be right with us."

Julianna smiled nervously at the group of executives, representatives, and other assorted very important people assembled in the spacious office, glancing quickly at a conspicuously empty desk. It wasn't like her employer to be even a moment late.

A door in the back of the office opened and out stepped Nathan Explosion, sweaty, hair a mess, shirt rumpled and untucked. He spared barely a glance for the gawking professionals and mortified secretary as he shut the door with his foot and fastened his pants.

"My manager will be with you in a moment."


	69. Sassybaskets

Title: Sassybaskets  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Rose Explosion  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Embarrassing home movies  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I put it on my letter to Santa.  
Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "Winter Is Brutal" theme month. And for Rattie, who's had a certain song stuck in her head for awhile. The title is all Deani's fault.

**Sassybaskets**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"And you were worried your mother wouldn't like me," Charles whispered into Nathan's ear, grinning wickedly.

Nathan groaned. He knew he should be grateful. Rose Explosion had proven absolutely thrilled to learn her son was dating an "adorable, _rich_ little lawyer". And as annoying as her fussing and less than subtle hints concerning adopted grandchildren were, she promised to be a valuable ally when it came time to introduce Charles to Oscar. Nathan _should_ be grateful.

And he was. Until she dug out the home movies.

"You just have to watch this one, Charles," Rose gushed as she played a video of a six-year-old Nathan. "This is the first song he ever learned. I swear, you could barely get that boy to talk unless he was singing."

"Maybe it's not too late to make her hate you," Nathan muttered hopefully. "Go put on something slutty."

Charles' grin only grew wider. "I'd _love_ to see it, Rose."

Nathan growled. "Next Christmas, _your_ parents are coming over. And I'm requesting all the naked baby pictures."

"It'll be worth it," Charles cooed, squeezing Nathan's arm, the singer already dying by degrees as his younger self began to sing.

"I wanna hippopotamus for Christmas..."


	70. Strong Hands

Title: Strong Hands  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles, Daddy Ofdensen  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Fluff. Choke on it  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I guess I can lay claim to Charles' dad. ...His name is James.  
Notes: For myself and some folks I know need cheering up. Inspired by "FatherKlok," of course. I'm probably the only one in the fandom whose Charles had a functioning, happy childhood. XD But until we get canon proof that he was routinely beaten/molested/neglected, I'm not changing it. :P I also added a dash of the Myth Arc for flavor.

**Strong Hands**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

A small boy in Batman pajamas shuffled into the hearth's light, peering over the arm of his father's chair.

"I had a bad dream..."

"Hmm... The scary man again?"

The boy nodded, anxiously squeezing his stuffed dog. "In the snow. I don' wanna go back to sleep."

The father lowered his book. "...Alright. Read with me for awhile."

The boy quickly climbed into his father's lap, resting his head on his chest. James held the book for both of them to see, strong hand soothingly rubbing his son's back.

Charlie was already asleep.


	71. Skank Patrol

Title: Skank Patrol  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 ("Black Betty"/Birget), some skank  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Wimmins  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Birget is all mine. Random skank belongs to herself, I guess.  
Notes: Been a little while since I've done a Birget drabble. Here we see her in her early days. Before she rose through the ranks to become a member of CFO's guard, she was cutting her teeth in Skank Patrol.

**Skank Patrol**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

A single stripper-heeled foot protruded from the shadows, ready to disappear when a gloved hand seized it by the ankle.

_"Little kitty, little kitty, little lost cat," _Birget crooned before yanking hard, grinning into the shocked and dismayed face of a leather-clad young woman who had very nearly succeeded in reaching Dethklok. "_Baaaaaaad_ queenie! Tryin' to get at the toms. We told you 'no runts'."

Birget dragged the struggling girl toward a back door, ignoring the shrieks and protests, and tossed the would-be groupie into the alley with a cheerful, sing-songed "Skit skat!"

No whore got past the Skank Patrol.


	72. Damn Thing Gone Wild

Title: Damn Thing Gone Wild  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Birget (OFC)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Complete focus on an OFC  
Disclaimer: I do not own Metalocalypse. Birget (eventually Number 666) is mine. You see what I have to put up with?  
Notes: This is all Xixthe's fault. Black Betty at seven years old, already discovering her true calling.

**Damn Thing Gone Wild**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Tiny feet - bare, calloused, and caked with mud - slapped against clean, hardwood floor. The hem of a Sunday dress – white with pink ruffles - was soaked with filth and tattered by branches and thorns, the same that had assaulted long, chestnut hair, ripping it to tangles and stealing one of the pony-shaped barrettes that held it in place.

Her mother would kill her.

Skidding stopped before her father's chair, stretching up on tiptoes, gripping the barrel of a BB gun, she presented a plastic poker chip - a tiny, perfect hole dead center - and grinned long and wide.

"Right through the middle!"


	73. Wake

Title: Wake  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan, Number 666 (OFC), Charles (mentioned; also implied N/C)  
Rating: PG-13 (F-bomb)  
Warnings: OFC; (faked) character death  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Nummber 666 (Birget/"Black Betty") is mine.  
Notes: First part of two-part "series" of sorts. Like, the loosest definition of the word possible. I'm a little hesitant about it, but here goes. Do I really need to say "Spoilers for Renovationklok"?

**Wake**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Hey..."

Nathan dragged his eyes away from the cold ashes of the pyre, surprised by the emptiness that greeted them. He didn't know how long he'd been there, watching the fire die, but apparently long enough for everyone else to leave. Everyone but the woman standing before him.

She was a Gear, he could tell by the hood in her hand and the uniform under the jacket she clutched against the chill. She was vaguely familiar, or maybe it was just that her expression perfectly mirrored his mood. She looked miserable.

He grunted at her, lacking even the energy to ask what the fuck she wanted. She responded by sliding the jacket off one shoulder, revealing something tied around her upper arm, a mourning band of red, silk, and dark stains.

A storm of possessiveness thundered in Nathan's chest, but before he could demand of her just who the hell she thought she was, the Gear tugged the knot loose, the tie unraveling from her skin, and, stepping forward, began to wind it around the singer's arm.

The storm subsided to a wary rumble. "...Why?"

"'Cause..." she offered with the faintest and wryest of smiles. "Maybe you need it more."


	74. Memento Mori

Title: Memento Mori  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 (OFC), Charles & Nathan (mentioned; also implied N/C)  
Rating: PG-13 (for alcohol consumption and tattooing)  
Warnings: I'm told this one's... intense  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 (Birget/"Black Betty") is mine.  
Notes: Follow-up to "Wake." This one kind of got away from me, but I think I like where it ended up.

**Memento Mori**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

It was the only part of him she'd managed to save, twisted around her fingers as the medics ripped him away, packed him off to bleed behind closed doors. She'd clutched it as she huddled with the others, waiting with hearts in their throats for news. And when the news came, she'd tied it on her arm, a badge of mourning, a sign of devotion, a reminder of her failure.

She'd meant never to take it off, but the frontman's dark-ringed eyes and slumped shoulders told of a need greater than hers, though it ached to the bone to tear the fabric from her flesh and bind it to his. She'd never felt so naked, nor disliked it so much.

But she had another way.

She gripped the bottle in her hand, brandy filched from his own quarters. It was only appropriate. It warmed the cold pit in her stomach and muzzled the pain of the needle. She stared at the ceiling with a strained smirk as his name was bled into the skin above her navel, marking her indelibly as a beast beyond her own will. A dog on a leash and the master gone away.

She could wait.


	75. Beaux and Arrows

Title: Beaux and Arrows  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Murderface, Pickles  
Rating: PG-13 (for language)  
Warnings: Slashing across fandoms  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_ or _Team Fortress 2_. Corpse Light (aka Worst. Death Metal Band. Ever!) belong to The Magic Rat.  
Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "Games Are Brutal" theme month. This is for you, Deani! 3

**Beaux and Arrows**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Hey, dickfasche! How come you're only healing Nathan?"

Charles lifted his gaze from his laptop's screen, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, dood!" Pickles chimed in. "You're the _team's_ Medic. How 'bout a little heal over here?"

"Find a Dispenser!" Nathan growled from his seat beside Charles. "I'm his Medic buddy! He has to stay with me."

"Aw, c'mon! That's not fair!"

"It's a matter of strategy," Charles spoke, eyes lowered to the screen once more, resuming the crucial business of following Nathan's Heavy. "Besides, Nathan receives damage in the line of duty. _You_ geniuses are running into walls and quite literally shooting yourselves in the foot. There's no heal for stupidity."

"Aw, harsh, dood..."

"Aschole..." Murderface muttered before leaning forward to stage whisper to the others, "It'sh jusht 'caushe their clasches are shleeping together..."

"SHUT UP!" Nathan roared over of the snickering of his bandmates. "AND PLAY THE GAME! If we lose to those Corpse Light pussies playing BLU, I swear I will kick all your asses!"

"Danke, Nathan," Charles murmured as the others hunched over their keyboards with discontent grumbles.

Nathan dipped his head to Charles' ear, affecting a bad Russian accent. "Maybe later we play 'Doktor'?"

Charles blushed. "...Dummkopf."


	76. Terms of Endearment

Title: Terms of Endearment  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: No more than you've come to expect from me  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. *snaps on a paper mask with Brendon's face drawn on it* _Yet.  
_Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "Romance Is Brutal" theme month. Struggled with an idea up until the last day, when a serviceable one finally fell from the sky. Like so many of my drabbles, inspired by the most minuscule occurrence in the RPG of DOOM.

**Terms of Endearment**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Charles choked, hand flying to cover his mouth as he fought his rising panic. Maybe it was okay. Maybe Nathan hadn't heard. Maybe...

"...What?" Nathan's head poked out of the bathroom, brow furrowed in confusion and toothbrush hanging from his mouth.

"Nothing," Charles said, hastily changing the subject. "What movie did you want to watch?"

"Did you just call me-?"

"No! I mean... I'm sorry!" He turned desperate, pleading eyes to Nathan. "Please don't think anything of it, Nathan. I'll never say it again. I promise!"

"...Whatever." Nathan ducked back into the bathroom. "Put on any movie you want. ..._Sweetheart_."


	77. When You Dream of Home Tonight

Title: When You Dream of Home Tonight  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Charles (implied Nathan/Charles)  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Bit sappy, bit sad.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. ...Go away!  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! This one takes place between Seasons 2 and 3, and was partially inspired by the song "Human" by The Killers. This will have a companion piece from Nathan's POV.

**When You Dream of Home Tonight**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

He slept in the bed of a pickup truck tonight. He took his rest wherever he could these days and wasn't inclined to complain. The night was warm, and the sky was clear. He could see the stars.

He wondered if his boys watched the sky, as well. He wondered about them a lot; wondered if Toki slept through the night; wondered if Pickles took care of himself; wondered if Nathan...

He wondered about Nathan.

The breeze blew black and gentle against his face, singing him to sleep, head full of home, heart full of promises, cradled by the sky.


	78. The Only Thing I Still Believe

Title: The Only Thing I Still Believe  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan (implied Nathan/Charles)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Bit sappy, bit sad.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Stop asking me!  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! This is a companion piece to "When You Dream of Home Tonight," taking place concurrently. Partially inspired by Shinedown's "If You Only Knew."

**The Only Thing I Still Believe**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Dethklok dwelled amongst the stars tonight, and Nathan hated it.

He couldn't see the gates from their floating fortress, couldn't watch for Charles to come home.

He knew better. No one came back from the dead. But something in Nathan refused to believe he wouldn't return some day, wouldn't simply be working in his office if Nathan checked, wouldn't be there for them - for _him -_ like he always had.

So Nathan waited - in his office, sitting at his empty desk; in his bed, staring at the open door; by the window, watching those damn stars.

He still believed in Charles.


	79. Nine Months

Title: Nine Months  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13 (for language)  
Warnings: Mpreg  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Custody of Lydia is shared between the Magic Rat and myself.  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! Set right after the end of "Renovationklok." Five out of six fangirls confirmed that when Nathan asked Charles "Where have you been for the last nine months?" they answered with "Having your baby. Duh."

**Nine Months**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Nathan," Charles said softly as the rest of Dethklok filed out of his on-board office on the Hatredkopter, "please stay a moment longer. There's something... important I need to tell you."

"You're gonna tell me what the fuck you were doing for nine months?" Nathan demanded, anger rumbling in his deep voice.

"At least part of it," Charles conceded and motioned to an attending Klokateer waiting in the shadows, the hooded figure stepping forward to hand him a small, blanket-wrapped bundle. Nathan's eyes widened as Charles accepted and cradled the black-haired, green-eyed baby.

"Nathan..." Charles began nervously. "This is Lydia."


	80. Bundle of Brutal

Title: Bundle of Brutal  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Number 666 (OFC), Lydia (OFC)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Mpreg!  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 (Birget/"Black Betty") is mine, and Lydia belongs to myself and the Magic Rat.  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! Follow-up to "Nine Months," requested by Deani. It was decreed the cliché was not complete until Nathan fainted.

**Bundle of Brutal**

**By Doktor Girfriend**

Number 666 carefully nudged the prone frontman with her boot. "...He fainted."

"Yes, I can see that." Charles sighed, bouncing the fussing baby in his arms. "I honestly expected worse. ...He's coming around. Give us a moment."

The Gear quickly obeyed as Charles settled beside the recovering singer. "You okay?"

Nathan groaned, warily eying Lydia. "...How in the hell-?"

"I have no idea."

"But... she's mine?"

Charles blushed faintly. "Oh... Definitely."

He had to smile. "You've, uh... got a fuck of a lot to explain, Charlie."

"I know..."

Nathan reached over, hesitantly touching his daughter's tiny hand. "But... not now."


	81. Auto Erotica

Title: Auto Erotic  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Car sex  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number Three (Badger) and The Bentley belong to The Magic Rat.  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles Month! Charles has been trying to get some action in that Bentley for months in our RP. I decided to throw him a bone.

**Auto Erotica**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Number Three had one last area to patrol before the end of this night's shift: the massive Mordhaus garage. He prowled the rows of automobiles lovingly hoarded by Dethklok and their manager: the antique, the limited edition, the ridiculously expensive, and the just plain ridiculous. Everything seemed in order, and he started to turn back when he heard it.

The bounce and squeak of metal; the muffled, breathy groans; the muted pound of rock music – the sounds of romance, emanating from Commander Ofdensen's prized (and rhythmically rocking) silver Bentley.

Badger rolled his eyes, rapping on the fogged back window. "Alright, you two. Pants up and hoods on. Birget, is that you? Get your skank ass-"

The window rolled down, releasing the full force of driving bass and filthy lyrics and revealing a flushed and vaguely sheepish Nathan Explosion.

"...Sorry for interrupting, sire," Badger quickly apologized. "But I think you should know this is Lord Ofdensen's car."

"Uhhh... yeah. I know. He's cool with it."

"Are you certain he-?"

"I assure you, I am fine with it, Badger," a voice panted from within the still rocking car. "Thank you."

Badger stepped back as the window slid up. "Yes, sir. Carry on."


	82. Morning Glory

Title: Morning Glory  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: FLUFF, DAMN YOU  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Maybe after the bloody coup...  
Notes: In celebration of Nathan/Charles month! I can't believe it's over again! I say good-bye to March 2010 with the morning after.

**Morning Glory**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

With the morning came the scent of sweat, the touch of cool air on bare skin, and a familiar swell of satisfaction in Nathan's chest. He curled his arm around the flushed body beside his, grinning triumphantly when it snuggled close more than willingly. A good morning.

And... different. He felt victorious, smug, the same as ever after a conquest. But it was tempered by something... warm, something soft, something that grew when he looked down into dozy brown eyes that blinked, bemused, before shyly darting away.

He rumbled low, remembering... this wasn't a conquest.

"Morning, Charlie."

"...Good morning, Nathan."


	83. Harbinger

Title: Harbinger  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Pickles, Nathan, Charles  
Rating: PG-13 (f-bombs)  
Warnings: Unpleasantness; hints of supernatural  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. So fear not, Charles. I cannot inflict this torture on you canonically.  
Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "Business Is Brutal" theme month. A hint of YoungKlok and a bit of backstory that I've wanted to work in for some time.

**Harbinger**

**By Rei-hime**

Charlie Ofdensen is cursed.

That's what everybody says. "Give Charlie six months, an' you'll be famous. Give 'im six more, an' you'll be dead."

His first band died in that plane crash. Only them. Everyone else lived, includin' Charlie. The second band... gahd, that was brutal. Car crash, overdose, suicide, murder...

Charlie was there every time.

Grim, right? They say it really fucked 'im up. Right after that is when he changed his business cards to say "Charles."

I know ye'r set on the little dood, Nate'n, I'm jes sayin'. It's yer funeral.

...Ah, fuck. I guess it's mine, too.


	84. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Title: Let Sleeping Dogs Lie  
Author: Doktor Girfriend  
Cast: Charles, Number 666 (OFC)  
Rating: PG-13 (language)  
Warnings: Birget's in it. That's several warnings in one.  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 (Birget/"Black Betty") is mine.  
Notes: An attempt to explain one of the more bizarre aspects of Birget's personality. I imagine this takes place early on in her career as a bodyguard.

**Let Sleeping Dogs Lie**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Good soldiers are like dogs - obedient, loyal, fierce, trained to defend and protect, to attack at the softest command, happily laying down their lives for their masters.

They're your guardians, your best Goddamned friends.

"Being as it may," Charles spoke, "I don't think that analogy extends to you sleeping on the rug by my fireplace."

Birget glanced at him over a heavily bandaged shoulder. "Boss, I took a knife for you tonight. Don' harsh my buzz."

"We'll try it your way," Charles relented. "But if I find you at the foot of my bed again, you're back on Skank Patrol."


	85. When It All Was Over

Title: When It All Was Over  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Skwisgaar, Pickles, Toki (implied Gibsontrippling)  
Rating: PG (drug and alcohol use)  
Warnings: See above  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. There would be a lot more puppy piles.  
Notes: Happy Birthday, Rattie! She requested some post-siege Skwisgaar/Pickles and didn't object to Toki being thrown in there. Admittedly, this one doesn't really focus on romance. I'll have to make up for that later. I imagine while this is taking place, Charles is getting patched up and giving instructions for "Operation: I'm Dead."

**When It All Was Over**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

In retrospect, it had been stupid to let Pickles wander the hospital unsupervised. Understandable considering the... circumstances, but still stupid. No one knew exactly what drugs Pickles had found his way into, but it was enough to have him ping-ponging between laughing fits and crying jags.

It had been a stressful evening.

Now with Murderface off "comforting" a starry-eyed survivor and Nathan keeping vigil outside the OR, it fell to Skwisgaar to babysit both a positively airborne Pickles and a drunken Toki.

The latter had already been delivered to Skwisgaar's bed. Skwisgaar tried to lay Pickles down to join Toki, but he clung to his arm, giggling in between sobs.

"Is bed's times, Pickle."

"Dood... I... I gotta tell ya..."

"Ja, I knows, you sucks you's dicks."

"No! You... You saved my life!"

Pickles surged up to attach himself to Skwisgaar's neck, refusing to let go. Skwisgaar didn't struggle, settling on the bed with Pickles burrowed into his chest. Toki immediately rolled to curl against Skwisgaar's free side, whimpering. "I's gonna puke..."

Skwisgaar sighed, sliding his arms protectively around both men, cradling their heads as he stared out the window into the smoke-filled night.

"Don'ts worries... I takes cares you."


	86. Dog of War

Title: Dog of War  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles, Number 666 (OFC), random Klokateer  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: None  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 (Birget/"Black Betty") is mine.  
Notes: More of Birget being a bitch. XD I do have specific characters in mind for the nameless intruders, but I'll leave them to your imagination.

**Dog of War**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"They seem to have gotten into the ductwork, Commander."

Ofdensen narrowed his eyes at the security monitor, watching as two figures, one standing on the other's shoulders, wormed their way into an air vent.

"I see..."

"We have yet to identify them," the Klokateer continued, "but they appear to be headed toward the band's personal quarters."

"And that's all we need to know at the moment," Charles replied. "They're intruders. Fortunately, we have just the thing for that."

He half-turned to acknowledge the Gear waiting patiently at his heels. "Birget?"

She grinned at him, teeth bared in anticipation.

"Sic 'em."


	87. Nesting

Title: Nesting  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Implied mpreg; a bit bittersweet  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Custody of Lydia is shared between myself and The Magic Rat.  
Notes: The third installment in the "Nine Months" storyline, following "Bundle of Brutal." I've decided I like this little thread, so I'm going to follow it through Season 3 a bit, at least through "FatherKlok."

**Nesting**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

At first Nathan was confused to find himself awake at such a brutal hour. Then he heard the plaintive wailing from the next room.

The baby.

"I'll get it..." Charles murmured sleepily, dragging himself from the bed they shared. A logical arrangement for child-rearing, its unspoken purpose was to ease their strained relationship, though uncertainty and exhaustion saw the bed used only for sleeping.

Charles returned, settling Lydia between them, prompting Nathan to grunt.

"You're spoiling her..."

Sleep reclaimed Charles, forestalling any arguments, leaving Nathan to kiss their fussing daughter's forehead.

He kissed Charles' as well before returning to sleep.


	88. Bad Medicine

Title: Bad Medicine  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Charles, Skwisgaar  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Modern medicine's fascination with the butt  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Or else there would be more suppository jokes.  
Notes: For The Magic Rat. She requested Charles taking care of a sick Skwisgaar. I can't imagine any part of this experience was at all pleasant for either party.

**Bad Medicine**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Open up, Skwisgaar."

"Nej."

"Don't make this difficult. You need to take your-"

"I said fucks you!" Skwisgaar slapped the spoonful of cough syrup from Charles' hand, the poisonous red fluid splattering his grey suit and flavoring him a pungent cherry.

Charles sighed heavily, regarding the puffy-eyed, stuffy-nosed Swede that had frightened away the bravest of Klokateer attendants, leaving him to play nursemaid. He could appreciate the poetic justice; those same attendants claimed Charles was impossible when sick, only behaving under threat of rectal thermometry.

He smiled.

"Okay, Skwisgaar. If you don't want the syrup, you can try the suppository..."


	89. Get Well Soon

Title: Get Well Soon  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Pickles, Charles  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: None really  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. But I am laying claim to "Drunken, Angry Bikers" as a possible band name.  
Notes: For The Magic Rat. She requested some platonic hurt/comfort with Charles and Pickles. It now occurs to me that I kinda suck at hurt/comfort. My deepest apologies. ^ ^;

**Get Well Soon**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Pickles grinned meekly as Charles approached the hospital bed.

"Hey, Chief. ...Ye're mad, arencha?"

"I'm... disappointed," Charles clarified. "Sixteen bikers, Pickles. Drunken, _angry_ bikers. According to the Klokateers, you just started attacking them. If they hadn't been there, you'd be facing much worse than a cracked rib, broken arm, and black eye. What were you _thinking_?"

Pickles grumbled, "They made a crack about Tony bein' in the nuthouse..."

"Well... You'll heal. No harm done." Charles set a vial containing two small, white objects amongst the gifts left by Pickles' fans.

"What're dose?"

"...The front teeth of a drunken, angry biker."


	90. Child's Play

Title: Child's Play  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Marlinchen (OFC), Natascha (OFC), Lavona (mentioned)  
Rating: PG-13 (potentially disturbing content)  
Warnings: Broken children doing horrible things  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Marlinchen and Natascha are mine.  
Notes: Introduction for two OCs (yes, more, I know). Marlinchen eventually becomes Junior Gear 1023, and Natascha... Well, I don't want to give too much away.

**Child's Play**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Do you remember your muzzer, Natascha?"

"Don't be silly, Marli!" came the laugh. "Mama lives vit' us!"

"Nein, Nata, your _real_ muzzer." The girl in black tugged the ear of a stuffed cat. "I'm starting to forget her face..."

The girl in white scrapped a knife against a stone. "My mama did not vant me. Your mama is gone. Vhat do they matter anymore? Ve have new mama, better life."

"Muzzer Lavona... has us do zhis."

Both girls spared a glance for the woman on the floor, lifeless face frozen in terror.

"...Is better child assassin than prostitute, da?"

"...Maybe."


	91. William Shatner Not Required

Title: William Shatner Not Required  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Number 666 (OFC)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Innocent hotels are violated  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Klokateer #666 is mine.  
Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "Vacations Are Brutal" theme month. Even with all the money and power, there have to be some hotels that have Dethklok blacklisted. Title in reference to the Priceline commercials.

**William Shatner Not Required**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Whatcha doin', baby?"

Nathan crossed the office floor to Charles' desk, carefully stepping over the Gear curled on the nearby rug. Charles glanced up from his laptop.

"I'm looking for a hotel to book for our trip."

"Oh, yeah," Nathan grinned, leaning down to nuzzle Charles. "Our first you-and-me vacation."

"Well, you, me, and the bodyguards."

"Oh. ...Better get a hotel that allows pets, then."

"Har har, my Lord," said the rug.

Smirking, Nathan turned back to Charles, noting his expression of intense concentration. "Is it really that hard to find a hotel?"

"For Dethklok? Yes, it's become rather difficult lately. ...You remember this place, for example?"

"Yeah, we had fun there."

"Yes, and they're still reconstructing from all that _fun_. And this hotel? I don't know _what_ you did, but some very frightened people asked me very politely to never bring you back."

"We apologized for that... What about here?"

"After what Murderface did in their pool, I couldn't bear to show my face there again. ...Hmmm. This one looks promising. Fireproof, close to a hospital, survived three earthquakes and a tornado." He raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?"

Nathan grinned. "Go for it. I love a challenge."


	92. TMI

Title: T.M.I.  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Lydia, Dethklok  
Rating: PG-13 (see below)  
Warnings: Mentions of assbabies and the implications of non-assbabies  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Custody of Lydia is shared between myself and The Magic Rat.  
Notes: The fourth installment in the "Nine Months" storyline, following "Nesting." Almost forgot that Lydia needed to be introduced to the band. Many thanks to Deani for her help and dialogue contribution. Also? Charles might be a liar. Just puttin' dat outs dere.

**T.M.I.**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"So... how did it come out?"

Charles twitched, holding Lydia protectively tighter. Introductions had been going so well. The boys had for the most part proved bemused but accepting of the existence and creation of his and Nathan's child. Aside from Murderface, who was predictably repulsed and staring in horror at Lydia as though she were the gayest gay that ever did gay manifested in infant form. Which, in a way, she was.

Belatedly, Charles realized he had let too much time pass without responding to the question, and Murderface began to howl in disgust.

"OH GOD, IT'SH AN ASCHBABY! I KNEW IT! THAT'SH SHICK!"

"FUCK YOU, MURDERFACE!" Nathan thundered. "My kid is not an assbaby!" He paused, muttering to Charles. "She's not, right?"

"She is not."

"Awesome."

"How does she comes out dens?" Skwisgaar asked, managing to do so while looking entirely uninterested.

Charles twitched again. Pickles looked ill.

"Dood, I dun think we wanna know..."

"She was a C-section!" Charles blurted, his face flaming red, and turned to hasten from the room. "And she needs to be changed. Excuse me!"

Nathan followed dutifully, leaving Toki to call to their retreating backs, "Buts how does she-?"

"TOKI, SHUT AHP!"


	93. Two for Teufort

Title: Two for Teufort  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, nameless Gear  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Crossover  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_ or _Team Fortress 2_. Woe is me.  
Notes: My entry for Brutal Business' "Adventures Are Brutal" theme month. Crossover with _Team Fortress 2_, and the first of a small series. Sort of a not-quite follow-up to "William Shatner Not Required," but not really.

**Two for Teufort**

**By Rei-hime**

"The repairs will take some time, Commander," the Klokateer reported as smoke poured from the helicopter. "We have already called a second Dethkopter for yourself and Lord Explosion."

Charles nodded curtly. Sudden engine trouble had delayed his vacation with Nathan, stranding them in this desert. At least there was a sign of civilization – some sort of bizarre complex in the distance, a mismatch of rustic barns and slick industrial buildings and... explosions?

Nathan watched as Charles strained his senses toward the complex, just able to hear a distant roar of "CRY SOME MOOOORE!"

"...Think we can get some chips there?"


	94. Culture Clash

Title: Culture Clash  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Klokateers, RED Team  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Crossover  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_ or _Team Fortress 2_. 'Tis a sad and bitter truth.  
Notes: The second installment in the Metal/TF2 crossover series, following "Two for Teufort." I decided to have them meet the RED Team, since my BLU Team is heavy with OCs and alternate interpretations. My RED Team is much closer to the canonical personalities.

**Culture Clash**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Well, I reckon y'all can stay here." The Engineer scratched the bald scalp beneath his hardhat with a wrench. "Least until your ride comes."

"It isn't a... bad time...?"

"Ah, naw. That was jest the battle. C'mon in. Kitchen's right through there, an' Medic makes great sandwiches, if you can get 'em before Heavy. Jest watch out for Spah. He thinks it's fun to sneak up on ya."

"...Noted. Thank you." The small, gray-suited man entered the base, followed by the hulking, long-haired man and an entire entourage in executioners' hoods.

Engie shook his head, adjusting his goggles. "Strange people..."


	95. Separation Anxiety

Title: Separation Anxiety  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles, Lydia (OFC), mentions of Number 666 (OFC)  
Rating: PG-13 (snuck an F-bomb in there)  
Warnings: Mpreg, pseudo-fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 is mine, and little Lydia spends alternate weekends with myself and The Magic Rat.  
Notes: The fifth installment in the "Nine Months" storyline, following "T.M.I." For Tracy, who wanted some slightly cracky mpreg. And I wanted another lighter installment before the angst really gets going. Also, this storyline will only be following the first half of Season 3. I have it planned through "FatherKlok" and think the ending works best there.

**Separation Anxiety**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"I don't like it."

"I don't like it either, Nathan," Charles agreed as he changed a squirming Lydia's diaper. "But we both need to get back to work. It's been weeks. We can't afford further delays."

"But do we have to get a... nanny?" Nathan grimaced, the word vomit in his mouth. "Can't you just take her to your office? It's right there."

"I won't get anything done if she's there. I have a tendency to... hover." Charles lifted Lydia to his shoulder, letting her snuggle. "Someone from the employee daycare will watch her a few hours each day. She'll sleep through most of it."

Nathan looked unconvinced. "What if something happens? Can the daycare shits protect her?"

"If necessary. A bodyguard will accompany them at all times."

Green eyes narrowed. "666?"

"Sometimes. They'll rotate."

"She's not allowed to talk," Nathan grunted. "I don't want our baby's first words to be 'Fuck yeah'."

"...Nathan, _you_ say that fifteen times a day. Minimum."

"Not in front of the baby!"

"You just-! ...Fine. Nathan, I promise – Lydia will be in the best care available short of my carrying her around in a pouch on my stomach."

Nathan's eyes lit up.

"...No."


	96. Christmas Is for Lovers

Title: Christmas Is for Lovers  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Pickles/Erick/Lyall (OMCs) (mention of Toki)  
Rating: PG (see below)  
Warnings: All-male polyamorous relationship involving two 18 yr old OCs  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Erick Fisher and Lyall Shepherd are my boys.  
Notes: Yuletide gift for The Magic Rat! She requested something with Pickles and his guys, and I realized that I had never actually written a solo fic with Erick and Lyall. Yes, Lyall still believes in Santa. They don't have the heart to burst his bubble.

**Christmas Is for Lovers**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"Are these enough cookies for Santa?"

Pickles and Erick turned their heads in tandem, watching a sandy-haired boy hover worriedly over a platter positively piled with cookies: chocolate chip, snickerdoodle, sugar, gingerbread, Oreo, and every other, nestled between an enormous pitcher of milk and nine bowls of carrots and greens. Erick raised one dark eyebrow.

"Any more and Santa can sue you for inducing a stroke."

Pickles smiled fondly as Lyall fussed over his Yuletide offering. "You sure he's eighteen?"

"Pretty sure." At Pickles panicked expression, Erick quickly amended, "Dude, I'm jokin'! Breathe!"

"_Naht_ funny, dood." Pickles narrowed his eyes. "So... what'd you get Lyall for Christmas?"

"You'll find out." Erick gave him a sidelong glance. "What'd _you_ get him?"

"You'll see," Pickles smirked at the taller boy. Polyamorous relationships were difficult, but hard work had reduced any lingering jealousy to playful competition. Erick and Pickles competed for Lyall, Erick and Lyall for Pickles, and so on.

Everyone won every time.

Lyall wriggled in between them. "Our first Christmas together! ...The yard-wolves won't eat the reindeer, will they?"

"Don't worry," Pickles assured. "We fill 'em fulla red meat each year so they won't."

Erick raised another eyebrow.

Pickles shrugged. "Toki."


	97. Homeward for the Holidays

Title: Homeward for the Holidays  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Fluff  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Aren't you glad?  
Notes: Extremely belated Christmas gift for CrystallicSky. She requested anything N/C.

**Homeward for the Holidays**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan watched Charles pack his suitcase with a disapproving scowl.

"Why do you have to go?"

Charles suppressed yet another sigh. "Because, Nathan. I haven't spend a major holiday with my family in years. They really want me to come home. And so do I."

"Why can't they just come here?"

"I have two aging parents and two younger sisters, Nate. I am not bringing any of them near attack wolves or construction areas or... Skwisgaar."

"I just... I'm worried..."

"Don't be." Charles smiled gently, closing the suitcase and tucking the handle into Nathan's hand. "They're going to love you."


	98. Only a Hippopotamus Will Do

Title: Only a Hippopotamus Will Do  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing/Cast: Nathan/Charles (brief appearances by Toki, Dethklok, and an unnamed Gear)  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Shenanigans  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I guess Commander Awesome is mine.  
Notes: Extremely belated gift for Silvarbelle. She requested a follow-up to "Sassybaskets," wherein Nathan finally gets a hippopotamus for Christmas.

**Only a Hippopotamus Will Do**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"...What the _hell_ is that?"

The Gear at Charles' side spoke up. "Sir, it appears to be a baby hippopotamus."

"I know what it is," Charles snapped. "Why is it here, and why is Toki feeding it carrots? Toki, get away from its mouth!"

Toki pouted and backed away, falling in line with the other members of Dethklok surrounding the curious creature. Nathan stepped forward with a determined scowl, putting himself between Charles and the baby.

"This is our pet now."

Charles silently ground his teeth. "Your pet?"

"Yeah... His name is Commander Awesome."

"Commander... Nathan, why do you have a pet hippopotamus?"

"Because I've always wanted one."

"Since when?"

"Since forever! Come on, Charles..." Nathan advanced further, muttering so only the manager could hear. "There's a reason that was the first song I sang as a kid."

Charles sighed. "That _was_ adorable..."

"It's Christmas, Charlie..."

"Nathan, it's going to get bigger, and when it does, it will gore someone."

"...Metal."

"...Fine. I'll have a habitat made for... Commander Awesome."

_"Awwwesome!"_ Nathan grabbed him into a crushing hug. "Thanks, Charlie. You won't regret it."

"Oh, I already do."

"Aw, c'mon. We named him after you."

Charles sighed. "Mmm-hmm. Already do."


	99. Pie as a Double Entendre

Title: Pie as a Double Entendre  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Pairing: Nathan/Charles  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: The interplay of sex and food  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. I also do not own pie. I wish I did. I'm hungry.  
Notes: Extremely belated gift for Piedcrow. She asked for Nathan, Charles, and pie.

**Pie as a Double Entendre**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

Nathan sat up, absently wiping cherry filling from his mouth and chin. "So, uhhh... did we really just...?"

"Did we what, Nathan?" Charles prompted, meticulously removing crumbs from his inner thigh. "Are you asking if we really just took turns eating cherry pie while fellating each other?"

"Uh... yeah. Yeah, that one."

"Yes. Yes, we did."

"...And it was awesome, right?"

Charles smiled. "Alarmingly so."

"Good. Just... making sure." Nathan ran a hand through his hair self-consciously. "So... what now?"

Charles checked his watch. "I'd say an hour to rest and digest, and by then the blueberry should be ready."


	100. The More You Know

Title: The More You Know  
Author: Doktor Girlfriend  
Cast: Number 666 (OFC), Number 355 (OFC)  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Language  
Disclaimer: I do not own _Metalocalypse_. Number 666 is mine, and 355 belongs to Tracy.  
Notes: Very belated gift for Tracy. She wanted our Gears and further prompted with "books and cigarettes." Thanks to Deani for the inspiration when I couldn't remember my original idea. It gave me an opportunity to reference the prophecy, which I haven't done in awhile (or maybe ever). It seemed appropriate for my 100th _Metalocalypse_-based drabble.

**The More You Know**

**By Doktor Girlfriend**

"There you are. What the fuck is this?"

355 looked up from the book she was thumbing through, cigarette dangling from her mouth. "It's a library. It's general purpose is to develop a substantial collection of books and other informative materials for the use of its patrons."

"I know what a library is," 666 insisted, crossing her arms. "An' I'm pretty sure you're not s'posed to smoke in 'em. But what're ya doin' in one? S'not your usual post."

"Boss needed someone to guard these," the taller Gear patted the topmost crate of a nearby stack, filled to the brim with books. "It's some kind of special order. It arrived earlier than expected, so he wants me to guard them until they can be properly processed."

"What's so special about 'em?" 666 asked, reading over 355's shoulder. "'Side from bein' old an' dusty."

"I don't know. But they all seem to be about Sumeria." 355 turned another page, revealing a spread of ancient glyphs carved into stone, including the figures of five men holding instruments.

The two Gears shared an uncomfortable silence over the open book until 355 closed it, returned it to the crate, and tightly shut the lid.


End file.
